it's all in Vera's head

Vera loves Jeremy Lin ^.^v he's mine so you back off PLEASE ;)

2012-02-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

(please refresh the page if the fonts are ugly and Comic Sans-ish, haha. blogger lags =.=" )

alright, this will probably be one of the stupidest, most bimbo posts EVER on this blog, but whatever. actually, not really. i've had tons of stupid, bimbo posts largely concerning kevjumba and taecyeon, but well... i'd like to think i've grown up a tiny bit (just a teeny!) since then, but evidently... NO.

haiyah, whatever. at least i still want world peace ;P

anyway, remember Jeremy Lin? remember my NEW future husband?! REMEMBER HIM???!!!!!!!!

he's like. so famous now and everyone wants to marry him too! WHAT THE HELL. I CALLED DIBS MAN. I WANTED HIM FIRST!!!!!!!! and now since he's the NY Knicks' golden boy, every Asian/Asian-American is madly in love with him and the chances of me actually marrying him are now DRASTICALLY DECREASED!!!!!!!!!! what kind of nonsense is this, you tell me??!!!!

lol, i sound like some lunatic.

if you don't know what's going on with Jeremy Lin or ME AND JEREMY, i'll fill you in :)

he's currently a point-guard (i don't know what this is don't ask me, i'm assuming he guards the net?) for the New York Knicks, an NBA team. yes my basketball knowledge is next to zero and the only people i know are. Shaq, Kobe, Lebron, Yao Ming, Magic Johnson, Pau Gasol, Michael Jordan (basically the super SUPER famous ones that everyone knows about), BUT i knew about him not through the NBA (DUH) but uhm. kevjumba.

Jeremy was featured in a couple of kevjumba and nigahiga's videos, and to be honest when i first saw him i didn't even bother to look him up a.k.a stalk him, because nothing about him intrigued me. at that time, he was still with the Golden State Warriors and wasn't really that famous. anyway. in another video, i saw him playing basketball with Kevin and i was thinking :'" who is this guy?? why are all the Asian-American youtubers clamoring to have him in their videos??!! "

so, i did my stalking and i found out that his name was Jeremy Lin, a basketball player and the part that hooked me was that he went to Harvard (*swoon) AND is a devout Christian! i know i've blogged about this, but just bear with me ;P i literally DIED when i found out that he once said if he weren't a basketball player, he would've become a pastor! GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.

NO GUY IS MORE PERFECT THAN THIS.

except Jesus. and God. but yeah.

more stalkings ensued, and i realized that THIS IS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. yes i know i said it about Kevin, but well. HE ISN'T A CHRISTIAN! so that's out in my book. plus he has really changed and definitely isn't the same Kevin he was in his earlier videos. i know it's inevitable that people change, but honestly i think that the parts of him that changed were the parts people loved most about him. which pretty much breaks my heart, but well. when one door closes, God opens another window!

BACK TO JEREMY.

i was happily telling everyone i knew that i was going to marry this Jeremy Lin and most of my friends just looked at me with blank faces, wondering who Jeremy Lin was. mind you, this was last year, when he wasn't famous. i patiently explained to all of them that he was an NBA player, a Harvard grad in economics, and a TALL person. to alot of my friends, their guy's religion is of no consequence to them, so saying that he's a devout Christian wouldn't actually do him any favours in my friends' eyes :(

anyway, i was carefully planning " Vera's road to marriage : Jeremy Lin " when he joined the Knicks and completely BLEW UP. by blowing up i'm talking about becoming so famous even MALAYSIAN NEWSPAPERS are talking about him. as of today (15/2), he has led the Knicks to 5 consecutive victories, even defeating the Lakers, and every single Asian is talking about Jeremy Lin. AND EVERY GIRL WANTS TO MARRY HIM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, what have i done wrong in my life??!!! i know i'm not the nicest person alive, but i've been a good person. i've done well in school, my various endeavors... i help out in church in the music and children's ministries... i spread the gospel to anyone who wants to hear about it..... but whyyyyyy....... WHYYYYYYY......

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*give me a moment

okay i'm fine... i'm fine.

SOOOOOOOO now my heart is broken. everyone wants him to be their Va-LIN-tine (cute pun huh!) D:

i found this picture and was inspired to blog because of the raging jealousy inside me :'( now, i truly see the green-eyed monster everyone has been telling me about.

i subscribed to him on youtube immediately after i realized he was the man of my dreams and my goodness, he puts a bible verse at the end of all his videos! it's amazing and humbling ;)

all jokes aside (the part of me loving him and wanting to marry him is NO JOKE), i'm so happy that he has made it. he is truly an inspiration for all Christians out there. it must have been very hard for him to plough through all the adversities out there, being one of the first Asian-Americans in pro basketball with all the discrimination he faces due to his race, and to make it THIS big (seriously, EVERYONE is talking about him) is just amazing and miraculous. he has described this "experience" as a "miracle from God" and it just shows how deeply his feet are rooted to the ground.

this is a man not out for his own glory, but God's. obviously, it's too early to tell, but hopefully, in 5-10 years time, we will still see quotes like this from him. it really proves that God blesses those who have been faithful to him and have stayed humbled. it's as if this reward is God's way of saying :" well done, good and faithful servant! "

i found this article, with the writers obviously trying to dig up some dirt on him, and my goodness i AW-ed so many times! IT mentions that JLin used to hold bible study groups when in Harvard :) i literally... i just..... i... speechless. humbled. inspired.

this servant of God right here honestly is the pride and joy of Asia. Asian blood runs through his veins and i am just astounded at how he has made God the centre of his life. i must learn from him. i must.

guy isn't much to look at (sorry!), but he's an example of how his inner beauty (for lack of a better word) shines through! apparently he's unattached at the moment SO THIS IS MY CHANCE. but i'll only be in America in 2 years' time. WAIT FOR ME, JEREMY! WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i saw this video a while back (now you know when my love for JLin started SO YOU BACK OFF) and was like *insert gasp* WHY IS HE SITTING NEXT TO ARDEN???!!! WHY!!!!!!!!! i'm madly jealous of Arden because she's SO pretty and talented! for goodness sake, look at her face! she's definitely one of the most beautiful Koreans out there, plus she's a Christian. okay i'm joking, i'm not really jealous in the sense of the word, but i do envy her beauty :))

point is, i love Jeremy Lin and i honestly HONESTLY HONESTLY want to marry him. but obviously he doesn't know i exist and i am a sad and pathetic person. *sniff

no matter! miracles do happen! i MAY (i use may because it has a higher possibility compared to might, HA) meet JLin one day in the distant future! perhaps i'll be walking around in New York (it'll prob be summer break, cos i'm not going to college in NY) and then i see a huge bunch of paparazzi and being the huge celeb stalker that i am, i will probably run over and sneak under everyone (i am very short) and THAT CELEB MAY BE JLIN!!!! ^.~ then when he sees me he'll fall madly in love with me and then we'll be happily married and have 2 buns in the oven!

clearly, my mind's going.

xoxo,
Vera.

Change is so so scary.

2012-02-02T01:37:00.002+08:00

* please refresh the page before reading! for some reason the gorgeousness of the fonts don't show (sometimes) till you refresh it! ^.^v *

you know, i've wasted January away. i haven't really done anything for the whole of January. my college starts in May and i have had absolutely NOTHING to do. my schedule everyday was to wake up at 2-3pm, switch the computer on, watch SOMETHING till 3-4am (or later) and then sleep.

i have watched friend after friend post updates on facebook/twitter about college, the new friends they were meeting, the new places they were seeing... at first i was strangely envious. after a while, i became depressed. and started watching more and more and MORE movies. i ended up watching a movie that i've watched before multiple times (Enchanted, i love it MYGOD) and then falling in love with Patrick Dempsey all over again and then... i downloaded all seasons of Grey's Anatomy again and started watching the episodes again.

and watching the episodes again (i was obsessed with Grey's once) made me realize how much i've changed in these past 3 years. the first time watching from Season 1, i was in LOVE with Meredith. my friends used to complain about how annoying she was and i didn't see it at all. i LOVED her. i used to think Cristina was hard and heartless and basically not a very nice person altogether.

now, yeah i still love Meredith, but i totally see her faults in all their glory! there were some episodes when i kept saying :" GOSH SHUT UP ALREADY! " and " you STUPID STUPID girl " and basically couldn't stand her attitude and insistence that she was always right. i also started to really really like Cristina (i LOVE her with Burke, i HATE Owen and always fast-forward their scenes, haha), something that never happened last time.

okay i'm not going to bore all of you with Grey's Anatomy characters and all (I LOVE DEREK SHEPHERD I WANT TO BE MEREDITH GREY TO MARRY HIM, PATRICK DEMPSEY IS PERFECT!), but my point is that - you don't see yourself changing. everyday, each and every day, you don't think : wow, i've changed for the better today. that just doesn't happen. because you don't see it. you can't.

but you do.

you don't see the change in a day, a week, a month. you see them through the years.

for me, i didn't see myself changing inertly. i saw the physical changes, a zit here, a clogged pore there. my hair grew longer, then i cut it, then it grew again. i saw all these things. but i didn't see the change happening inside.

sometime, somehow, i changed. my thinking changed. my maturity level changed. honestly, i used to worship Meredith Grey (seriously, read old posts from 2009, i sign my name as Veredith!)!!!!

it's amazing and so so strange how someone changes. it scares me. honestly, it freaks the hell out of me. now that i'm stuck at home all the time with no one for company, i'm so scared. what if, all my closest friends who are now in college and their new lives somewhere CHANGE? will we ever have the same easy friendship that we had always had? would we laugh the same way we used to? would we be able to relate to each other again?

could we?

change is so scary. especially when you're someone who likes constancy. like me. whenever i go to a restaurant i've been before, i will always order the same thing. ALWAYS. if i like something (clothes/bags/shoes) i get them in multiple colors, because i believe in the phrase : if it's not broken, why fix it? i don't take risks. which is why i don't bet/play mahjong. i like calculated things (not maths though, weirdly). i love playing the piano because i know that when i play that chord, i will produce this sound. i stick to what i know and what i'm good at. and... i read alot of fiction because although i yearn for something like that to happen to me, something interesting, i'm scared. i'm such a coward.

i need to learn to not be scared.

i need to have courage.

i need to.

but how?

那些年，我們一起追的女孩 movie review.

2012-01-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

I PROMISED TO WRITE A MOVIE REVIEW

FOR THIS MOVIE.

I KEPT MY PROMISE.

so i watched this Chinese movie, 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 . the English name of this movie is You Are The Apple Of My Eye, but, i honestly feel that the English "translation" doesn't quite create the effect as the Chinese title does. the literal translation of the Chinese title is : the girl we all liked all those years ago.

i ABSOLUTELY LOVED this movie. people who know me would know that i rarely if ever watch any Chinese movies. i think the only other Chinese movie i've seen is Secret by Jay Chou, HAHA. so i was pretty enthusiastic on watching this because of all the rave reviews from my friends and i actually found the FULL MOVIE on youtube when it was still showing in the cinema. being the cheapskate that i am, i watched it on youtube, and although there were no subtitles (Chinese isn't my strongest language =.="), i still really REALLY enjoyed it and ended up bawling like there was no tomorrow. i honestly i had NEVER cried that much watching a movie, and i am a VERY emotional person. i can cry watching a music video, but the WAY i cried after watching this movie....... i had tears literally STREAMING down my cheeks and my mucous was all over my mouth. my nose and eyes were so red... it was not a pretty sight.

these were my tweets after finishing the movie-

my 7000th tweet is dedicated to 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 . it's a lesson for all of us to NEVER let fate pass us by and fight for what we love :)

the line 今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約 gets me tearing up every time! (frm the movie's theme song)

at the end the guy says that he found peace and he's able to move on, but HOW could he let the girl he loved, the FIRST PERSON he called to check up on after the earthquake get married to another guy? how could he NOT contact her for 2 years? how could he just LET HER GO?

i guess the stars just weren't aligned for them. chance after chance just passed them by. but i think the real guy isn't over it.read the lyrics. 再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳. he hasn't forgotten. he doesn't want to let her go. but she's married now. PLUS he made a movie about it. i bet if they got a do-over he'd do it all differently. cos they made the mistake of a lifetime. both of them. and he will be paying for it for the rest of his life, thinking and wondering - if only.

yes i know i'm very emotional. the first time after i watched it, i seriously could not stop thinking about it. it's based on a true story (the director's life actually) and that made it worse. i was so frustrated and kept on dwelling on WHY. apparently the message of the movie was that if you loved someone enough, when you see that someone happy, you're happy.

I DISAGREE. lol. okay without giving too much away, i strongly recommend everyone to watch this movie. the actors were SOLID, the soundtrack AWESOME and the story fantastic. after watching it on youtube, i begged my friends to go and watch it in the cinema and they all loved it ;)

i'm posting the lyrics and their English meaning because i think the song is so compelling. i've actually cried a few times after listening to the lyrics! the lyrics were written by the director himself because the movie was essentially about him.

又回到最初的起点记忆中你青涩的脸

Going back to where it all began, your youthful face in my memory

我们终于来到了这一天

we've finally come to this day

桌垫下的老照片无数回忆连结

that old picture on the table, countless memories strung together

今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约

today, the boy will meet the girl for their last date

又回到最初的起点呆呆地站在镜子前

Going back to where it all began, staring at the mirror blankly

笨拙系上红色领带的结

absently tying my red necktie

将头发梳成大人模样穿上一身帅气西装

combing my hair in a more "adult" style, putting on a dashing suit

等会儿见你一定比想像美

when we meet later, you will surely be more beautiful that how i imagine you to be

好想再回到那些年的时光

i really want to go back to all those years

回到教室座位前后故意讨你温柔的骂

going back to our seats in class, irritating you on purpose to initiate a response

黑板上排列组合你舍得解开吗

we have to split into groups now, are you willing to be separated?

谁与谁坐他又爱著她

whoever sits with her would fall in love with her

[Chorus]

那些年错过的大雨那些年错过的爱情

the rain that we let pass by all those years, the love that we let go by all those years

好想拥抱你拥抱错过的勇气

i really want to embrace you, embrace the courage that i let pass me by

曾经想征服全世界到最后回首才发现

i used to want to conquer the universe, and only realized when i looked back

这世界滴滴点点全部都是你

that this whole universe consisted of only you

那些年错过的大雨那些年错过的爱情

the rain that we let pass by all those years, the love we let go by all those years

好想告诉你告诉你我没有忘记

i really want to let you know, let you know that i haven't forgotten

那天晚上满天星星平行时空下的约定

it was a starry night that night, the promise that we made in parallel time and space

再一次相遇我会紧紧抱著你

if we meet again, i will embrace you tightly

紧紧抱著你

embrace you tightly

i know that the English translations (which were done by me, you're welcome) aren't entirely void of grammatical errors, but it's really hard to translate some Chinese words that just don't seem to be in the English vocabulary without changing the original meaning of the song. so, please forgive me ;)

anyhoo, i thoroughly enjoyed this movie and totally recommend everyone to watch it! 5/5 stars!

love,

Vera.

p/s: seems like i've gotten my blogging mojo back! ^.^v

2011 round up. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME.

2012-01-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

i hadn't planned on blogging today, but since i have nothing to do now, i might as well get my 2011 round up out of the way so i won't feel so guilty every time i think of my blog, heh ;)

so i know that my blog was pretty dead in 2011, i made a conscious decision not to blog because i knew it would take up way too much of my time, time that was to be spent studying, and my mom isn't very supportive of my blog. she only reads it occasionally, to find out if i have a boyfriend or whatever, LOL. which i don't, by the way. i foresee myself 20 years from now, some Iron Lady who stands on her own, with no one by her side...... HAHAHAHA. just joking. i want to get married and have kids, but well. only time will tell.

hence, for my blog readers who consist (largely) of people who do not know me in real life, what happened in 2011 that completely changed me as a person?

2011 was definitely a year that defined me as a person, a turning point for me to be a (hopefully) better person in the future. i somehow came out of my comfort zone, mixed with people i had never even dreamed of fraternizing with, and became closer to my existing friends, closer than i had originally thought possible.

here's a quick recap of what happened to me in the months of the year 2011. i admit, for some months i had to check on my FB timeline because well... i can't really remember alot of things, hah.

January 2011

a friend of mine, someone who i thought would be one of my closest friends forever, fell out with me. it was kind of like the 3rd time this had happened to me, and trust me, the pain NEVER lessens. as cheesy as it sounds, you get used to it. you get used to the pinch in your chest whenever you think about the times spent together, you get used to that jolt whenever something you see reminds you of them, you get used to the relentless reflections of yourself. this incident really defined me, in a way. and hopefully, it has changed me for the better. read here for my thoughts when i was so down, it was impossible to go any lower.

apart from that, i auditioned for this charity concert organized by the Interact Clubs of 6 schools (including mine), and honestly. one of the best decisions i had ever made. i got through (singing, what else?), so yeah. will talk more about it in the coming months!

February 2011

i went to see Taylor Swift Live In Singapore! read here for details :) it was truly a dream come true and i will never forget that night ^.^v i also met a few Singaporeans that i hope will be my friends (or at least FB friends) for life! haha. coincidentally, it was my first time in Singapore and i was so impressed by everything! it's amazing there ;D i would study there if not for the fact that if i did, there would be a very high possibility of me killing myself from stress, lol. and also, i'm just not that hardworking...

i also participated in the last Cross Country of my life in school.

that's me with the Blue shirt and the towel around my neck, and that's Marilyn with the towel in her mouth :) i started out very enthusiastic and i aimed for a Top 50 spot. people who know me personally would know that i am DESPERATELY unfit. i exercise once a year, during cross country ^.^v however, i was blessed with really good stamina.

this is me after 5km. when my friend took this picture i was literally thisclose to fainting. look at how pale i am. but i quite like this complexion. at least i don't look yellow, haha. i seriously forgot my placing, but i think i was #44 or something :) i achieved my goal without any training whatsoever! ^.^v oh, how i'll miss cross-country....... ;D after this, i couldn't walk for a couple of days, haha. my body was SO sore and i was basically immobile. but the pain was worth it :)

February was also when i started my obsession with all things K-Pop. read here for all my posts on K-whatever. i still remember how Dream High broke my heart.... not a pretty sight i tell you, not a pretty sight.

March 2011

to be very honest, i don't really remember specific incidents in March. from my FB timeline i see myself being very very angry over Dream High and very very emotional over the YongSeo couple, haha :D gosh i'm ridiculous. anyway, these are a few pictures from a class photo session in March. we were supposed to be taking pictures for our yearbook picture and we ended up doing this...

me with my awesome Roxy kindergarten student bag with Rachel :)

Rach and I in Kanna after school.

4 of us. (L-R) Huey, Marilyn, Rachel and ME :)

Huey, Rach and I being Cina hahahhhahaha ;)

Rach, me and Huey in the rain being super kawaii ^.^v

we were supposed to be showing off our eyebags but this is a fail.

Huey and my sad face because of..... having no boobs. HAHA.

how on earth can someone mistake me for a 20something?! i'm ADORABLE. haha.

me, Mar and Rach ;)

4 of us in our signature poses. inside joke!

just for laughs!

Mar and I ^.^v

eyebrow wiggle...

my precious class... 5S1 forever ;)

GOODBYE MARCH! :)

Marilyn isn't in alot of pictures because she's the photographer most of the time as it's her DSLR.

April 2011

so in April, it was the ICC Charity Concert. remember the charity concert i was telling you about in January? now i'll go into details. to be very honest, i had never been involved in Interact or whatever even though i am an Interactor. i actually participated because well, my friends were pretty encouraging ;) however, i must say, (this is super cheesy but WHATEVER) although i didn't participate with "social" reasons, being the winner of this concert sort of... changed my life? haha. i had no idea that Interact was such a huge thing among schools, as my friends have never really bothered with it. after winning, people started knowing me as Vera Tan, the SINGER lol. and whenever i went for some Interact event and introduced myself, they'd be like OMG are you the one who won ICC?! there was ACTUALLY a guy (from another school, we have mutual friends) who called me The Girl in the Dress, LOL ;D i look pretty different when i doll up compared to when i'm plain ol' me, and he couldn't believe that it was me, HAH.

i was barefoot in this picture ^.^v

my good friend Faye and i in the dressing room after my performance! :) she sacrificed nearly the entire show to prep me (she curled my hair) for everything ;D *sniff sniff so touched.

my beauty queen poses! :P but quite fail lah, since i'm less than160cm =.="

just a look at how messy the girl's dressing room was. it was like a war zone!

later in April i also performed at a school Interact event.

this is me on stage. i think i performed Mama Do by Pixie Lott. can't really remember, sorry!

my peeps! yiewei (apparently he's crazy tall to others cos he's like. 185cm and the tallest guy in school BUT to me, nahhhhhh. i'm pretty sure all my foreign readers would agree w/me!), suemay and ME ;)

May 2011

if i could use one word to describe May, it would be... Supercamp. okay fine it isn't really an adjective, but my May was just. Supercamp. so basically it's a camp organized by the Rotary Club where the 6 Interact schools get together for a leadership camp. it was pretty eye-opening and awesome ^.^v i met many awesome possum people that i hope will be my friends for life, but i also met a few others who made me regret Supercamp. will talk about that in my 2011 lessons learnt later on ;)

i'm the one in the cardigan with hearts ;)

post-Supercamp. i'm the one with the red bag.

you know the kind of relationship you have with the people you just spent like 4-5 days with during camp? after those few days you guys organize all sorts of outings and whatnot but a few weeks after that... the closeness begins to fade. but that's life.

June 2011

oh this month was a painful month. i still remember the hurt i felt from what someone whom i thought of as a friend did to me. i'm not going to go into details, but basically this is what happened.

after we met, we got pretty close and started talking loads of nonsense. and i really liked this person as a friend. but i guess in a way my closeness was stifling (i don't know how) and all of a sudden after 2 months or so this person just. started ignoring me. ignoring my texts, tweets etc. and it became SUPER DUPER awkward between us. this person just acted as if nothing was wrong and whenever we saw each other it was just. terrible. i would smile as usual and this person would just give me some sort of nod as an acknowledgement. i spent a really long time thinking about it because i honestly thought we had a really good friendship, y'know? i kept thinking :" what did i do wrong? did i say something wrong? did i do something wrong? " and kept going back to the times spent together even though it really hurt me. finally another friend of mine found out for me that it was because this person felt weird around me (perasan) because of how i friendly i was to this person. it took me a long time but finally i got over it. the whole time i was just thinking how wasted our friendship was because this person was REALLY someone i could foresee being that friend you just basically crap around with ;P but ah well. life goes on.

July 2011

Sports Day.... okay to be honest i don't even remember half the events i'm posting about here, i'm just poaching everything from my previous FB status updates :/ but nevermind. this is to remind me of 2011! so since i don't remember much, i'll just post a couple of pictures! and let's face it. no one reads what i write. people just look at pictures =.="

suemay and i again ;)

my peeps again ;) (L-R) Briana, Rachel, Huey, me, Athalia and Marilyn in the ferrari cap ;)

i also performed at a couple of other events in July.

August 2011

again, don't really remember what happened. but from my FB updates, it seems that i joined Pottermore in August ^.^v AND AND AND. i got sorted into Gryffindor! :) where dwell the brave at heart!!!! half my friends were sorted into Slytherin (HAH). i remember how everyone was SO enthusiastic on Pottermore when it was first launched, and now... it's just there. i haven't even been on Pottermore since. i don't know when. i think they should've made it more interactive instead of you doing your own thing. and it's RIDICULOUSLY hard to brew a damn potion. till this day, i have not been able to brew that bloody test potion. add me on Pottermore if you wish : LeviosaMidnight104

this is how far i've gone. HA.i don't know how to go on to the next book, so yeah.

oh and my SPM trials started.

September 2011
after my trials, i was mad obsessed with anything Miss Universe. the Miss Universe pageant was going on then, and BOY WAS I ANGRY THAT DEBORAH HENRY DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING!

i'm definitely someone who's nowhere NEAR patriotic, but i honestly thought that our Miss Malaysia Universe 2011 Deborah Henry DESERVED at least a Top 16 standing! even Miss USA got into the Top 16 and she. was. too. skinny. she was so freakin' skinny and she only aced the interview portion because her mother tongue is English =.=" beautiful? yeah, but so were most of the other girls!

Deborah Henry was so poised and classy and UGH IT STILL BUGS ME THAT SHE DIDN'T EVEN PLACE! i thought she was the best Miss Malaysia we had had in a LONG time :(

so classy and poised and her answers were AWESOME. such a pride and joy to Malaysia!

so beautiful! :)

sorry i'm still bitter.

October 2011

this was when i fell in love with Jeremy Lin. who is this mysterious Jeremy Lin, you ask? :)

well, he's an Asian American NBA player who plays for the Golden State Warriors. okay fine, i'm no basketball fan, and the only players i know are... Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and... Pau Gasol. BUT. i found out about Jeremy in one of kevjumba's videos (yes you all know i was once obsessed with Kevin), and i was wondering, WHO IS THIS GUY out of curiosity, not because he's handsome or hot or anything. but he, sadly isn't. *sniff sniff

SO. i found out that the guy's name was Jeremy Lin. he's the first Asian American NBA player (Yao Ming is not Asian American, just ASIAN), he's 6'3 (okay not very tall by my standards but definitely a good head taller than me) and he's a Harvard graduate, AND (this is the most important part) HE IS A CHRISTIAN. he once stated that if he were not a basketball player, he would be a PASTOR.

OH. MY. GOSH.

that TOTALLY sealed the deal for me. i was like :

"YOU! I CHOOSE YOU! " (like Ash from Pokemon)

he also posts videos on youtube, and i think he's a pretty funny and laidback guy. in his first video "featuring" Kevin, i thought that he was quite cute (his personality, not looks, sadly) AND. at the end of most of his videos, he puts up a bible verse.

HOW MUCH MORE PERFECT

CAN SOMEONE BE!

fine, he ain't good-looking, he's not even as erm. good looking as Kevin, BUT. I DON'T CARE. HE'S CHRISTIAN AND TALL AND A HARVARD GRAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

biceps, baby, biceps ^.^v

so my plan is. to go to LA and hunt him down. then make him fall in love with me. then we shall be married and live happily ever after!!!! :)))) i already asked my mother AND she said :

" HUH? WHO?? CHANGE AGAIN????!!!!! what happened to that Kevin Jumbo? (she doesn't remember his name) OH you don't like him anymore??? "

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

oh mother.

but in the end she said that as long as he's Christian and a nice guy, anything goes ^.^v then again, she (and all my friends) don't think that i'll ever meet, let alone MARRY Jeremy...

SO CUH-YUTEEEEEE ;)

November 2011
i graduated from high school this month. i will have a full blog post complete with pictures, so i won't talk that much about it here...

i also turned 17 in November. as SPM (it's like the most major exam the whole nation of senior high school students have to take) began on my birthday (yes it's sad, I KNOW), it was the first time in my life that i had school on my birthday. school usually ends for a long break in early November, so on my birthday (14th November), there's usually no school.

my 17th birthday was... the worst birthday i had ever had in my life. i have no pictures documenting ANYTHING, and the most someone did was wish me Happy Birthday and/or pass me a present. okay i don't blame them, as i too was freaking out for SPM, but... it would've been nice for someone to take me out after SPM... no one did and it was kind of sad :'( even my family didn't bring me out for dinner or whatever. my sister didn't even give me a present. i know it's childish but... i really wanted to feel special, y'know? guess you can't have it all. but what you CAN do is just plaster a smile and tell everyone that it's okay, that you understand that they didn't have time to make you a card, to nod earnestly when they promise to make it up to you after exams... none of them did.

December 2011
exams finally ended and i was free! :)

i went for my annual church camp and it was pretty good. i had alot of fun and caught up quite alot with friends i hadn't really talked to in church... i learned of a new song, the song that i posted a few posts ago, Not Alone by Red, and that really (i felt) improved my relationship with God ;) so these are some pictures from my camera and some i poached from FB. HEH ;)

Sam and i on the bus ride home! :) weird thing is, if you go back to my December 08 posts, you'd see us in a picture during church camp too! ^.^v

funny story. i hurt my thighs during Games, so i had difficulty moving around the next day. we were walking down the tea plantation and that cute boy (Hong Liang) in the turquoise shirt was my "tongkat" or walking stick going down :) Hong Liang and Esther also had to pull me up. it was TORTURE.

Cecilia and i ;)

Hong Ken and i ;)

my group (sans William, he was taking the picture) Earthquake. (L-R) Chung Wei, Martin, Kola, ME and Yuli :) quite a fail jump shot but at least yuli and i JUMPED lol.

full group.

Sam and i again :)

Hong Ken and i again, yes i know i'm short.

i love this picture! (L-R) Emily, ME, Yuli and Carmen ;)

i love it so much, i had to post it twice ^.^v

so after YF camp, Christmas came :) after Christmas, my family and i jet-setted (i've always wanted to use this word HA. i know it isn't really used correctly but WHATEVER let me be happy!) to Bangkok till January 2, 2012.

Bangkok will be another post, i promise.

SO. WHAT DID I LEARN IN 2011?

well, one thing i truly learned was the value of friendship. all my life, i'd been busy looking for this mythical best friend. this BEST FRIEND that i thought would basically be my soulmate. someone who would understand me completely, someone whom i could laugh and be crazy with, someone whom i could pour my heart out to, basically the yin to my yang. i've tried 3 times with 3 different people for this best friend thing, and whenever we NEARLY reach that mark, it slips away. after it happened again this year, i told myself that i would STOP looking for a potential BEST FRIEND. i would just love all my existing friends and if it happens, it happens, y'know?

this worked marvelously for me. after i stopped caring, stopped looking, my relationship with all my other friends really improved. i struck up friendships with people i hadn't even DREAMED of being close to, and it changed my life. a very old friend that has stuck by me from Form 1 to Form 5 told me that she saw a huge change in me. she said that i had really matured and she really liked the person i had matured to become.

of course, different people have different definitions of maturity. however, for me, i feel that being mature is basically being able to admit that you don't know everything.

ever since i was young, i had always prided myself on knowing more things than my peers, having much better English than my friends, and i can honestly say that it all stemmed from insecurity. i was so afraid of being told that i was wrong, that i didn't know anything, so i hid behind this facade, this wall of a confident know-it-all. that's not to say that i'm no longer insecure. i still am, but hopefully, this will slowly fade in time. i'm no longer afraid of not knowing everything anymore. when people correct my English, i say thank you, and keep that in mind. it's not that i don't get irked anymore, it's just that i try to make it less irksome to me.

i finally admitted to myself that there ARE people out there that are much more talented/smarter/beautiful/whatever than me, and IT'S OKAY. it's okay to not know everything. i should just take it in stride and strive to improve myself. i might never BE the best in my field, but at least i'm a good person.

this year, i also learned that the most important thing a person should have is A GOOD HEART. our cosmopolitan lifestyle makes us strive to be the richest, the prettiest, the smartest, BUT i truly truly believe that at the end of the day, it all boils down to being a good person. how often can someone say, when they're at the end of their stay on earth, that they have been someone GOOD?! now, that's what i strive to be. it's great if you're super smart and get the best results or whatever, but, without a kind and good heart, you're NOTHING.

it's nearly 4am now, and i can't really think of much to say anymore. i really hope that you've enjoyed my 2011 round up, and i will post up my 2012 resolutions soon ;)

love,
Vera.

Seasons Greetings! ^.^v

2011-12-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas and a

Happy New Year everyone! :)

have an awesome year ahead and enjoy what's left of your holidays. i'll be off to Bangkok tomorrow, so i'll be posting my annual round-up later okay ;) God Bless each and everyone of you ^.^v

xoxo,
Vera.

testimony + Christian songs :)

2011-12-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

today i just wanted to share this song with you guys :) this is a song that has truly touched my heart to the very core, to a rawness that is inexplicable. the first time that i heard this song, i was literally stunned. i heard it during the hand mime performance in my church camp, and i seriously had tears in my eyes when i heard it. the lyrics were just. stunning.

i'm not sure if anyone feels the same way as i do, but the one way that i truly grow in my religion is when i listen to really great Christian songs with lyrics that touch my heart. for some reason, the typical Sunday sermon fails to reach me as an individual every week, and as i don't actively listen to Christian music, i find myself drifting further and further away from God as time passes and distraction mounts. i'm a teenager in a Westernized society. a society that treats premarital sex as the norm and a society where religiousness is a cuss word. alot of my closest friends aren't Christians and there are times when i feel "alone" in my religion. there are hardly any people (apart from my church friends) who really want to get to KNOW God the way that i do, and i admit, there are times when i feel like giving it all up, because after all, how do we KNOW God exists? how do we KNOW He is there for us? okay those are topics for another time, and back to the original topic.

Christian songs with really good lyrics speak to me like no other, and there are a few songs that have touched my heart in more ways than one. i think that perhaps the most important song in my life is In Christ Alone by Brian Littrell.

this song... got me through some of the toughest times in my life, and it still speaks to me, even today, 2 years after i first heard it. i don't know about you guys, but for me, when i'm facing a situation where there seems absolutely no way out, no solution, i sing this song. and then i remember. i'm only human. there's only so much i can do, because i am imperfect. so what CAN i do? place my trust in God. and it has worked.

for people who've been following my blog for a long time, you'd know that my 2011 resolution was to pass my piano ALCM diploma. i haven't been blogging actively this year so i haven't told you guys what happened. i'll share my testimony now ;)

so my ALCM was held in April 2011. people who know me would know that i'm basically the laziest person alive, and i admit, i take advantage of the fact that i am musically inclined, and try my best to get away with as little piano practice as possible. i simply have NO self-discipline. 110% fact. i tend to laze and sloth around till a week or a day before the big day before freaking out, and even then i don't really "freak out". the real FREAK OUT session begins 30 minutes before the exam, where i regret not practicing hard enough and when my heart starts pounding so hard i can actually hear it.

this exam was... sadly... no different. i lazed around till about 2 days before the exam when all of sudden it just hit me like a tidal wave.

VERA. THIS IS NOT GRADE 8.

THIS IS ALCM. THIS QUALIFIES

SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY BE A

TEACHER. AND YOU ARE LAZING

AROUND DOING NOTHING????!!!!!

that was when i started practicing... 48 hours before my exam =.=" and the worst part was, ALCM has scales. a TON of scales. like mad MAD scales. you think grade 8 is bad?! ALCM has DOUBLE OCTAVES. 4 octaves, 4 variations. loud+legato, loud+staccato, soft+legato, soft+staccato. and i had never even FULLY practiced my scales before. i also had in 3rds, which is mad difficult for the harder scales like C# minor, G# minor etc. just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach, haha.

anyway! that was when i started practicing, and i remember practicing my Arpeggios for 5 hours STRAIGHT till 4am i think. pianists would know that scales practice is very time-consuming, and honestly, to THOROUGHLY practice scales everyday you'd need more than 12 hours. i know it sounds crazy but really. anyway, i don't practice anything at all, so you could just imagine my panic.

during the morning of the exam (my exam was at 3pm i think), i was having MAJOR jitters and i remember feeling so faint and nauseous and i also wanted to die. before my turn (i was the last candidate because the highest grade is the last candidate) i was praying and praying and praying and praying and PRAYING to God. during the exam, i remember being so nervous that when i looked at my reflection in the piano (that piano was SERIOUSLY polished haha) my face was contorted in ways that i never thought possible. i remember cringing during my Bach Prelude and Fugue (typically my forte), wanting to hit my head on the piano during my Beethoven Sonata and basically wanting to DIE during my scales. my 3rd piece went okay so i was not that nervous for that.

when i came out of the room, i was convinced i had failed. i apologized to my mother because i knew that if i failed my mom would have to pay for a year's worth of piano classes till the next exam, and RM1k plus for the exam fee. when i went home, i just CRIED. i bawled and bawled and although i told myself that there was no point crying over split milk, i couldn't stop crying. i prayed non-stop and couldn't stop thinking of my results. because the passing mark is 75, i prayed for 76%.

just one mark more, oh Lord. please, just ONE MARK more.

people who know me would know that my mom used to have astronomical expectations for my piano examinations. nothing below a distinction was allowed from grade 1 to 8. when others were applauded for a merit or scraping a pass, i could not afford to achieve lower than 130/150. so imagine how painful it was for me to beg for a PASS. it might seem arrogant to you, but imagine you're this math whiz, and you've never gotten lower than 95% for a test. however, you got overconfident and made a hugeeee error that now you're so worried about your results and you're just aiming for an 80%. that's how i felt.

but there was nothing to be done.

it was my fault and my fault alone, so i had to pay the price for my mistakes. i was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure i was going to fail, and even if i did pass, the HIGHEST i could've gotten was a 78%. so do you know what i did? i placed my trust in God. whatever comes would come.

imagine my surprise when my piano teacher told me that i scored 91%. i scored a 91/100 for my ALCM. not some graded examination, but a diploma.

that was the moment i was ABSOLUTELY SURE there was a God. because no matter how talented i was, there was NO WAY i could have scored that with my ability alone.

it was God.

God answered my prayers. although i felt as if i was talking to air when i prayed out loud before i went to sleep, God listened. God listened to my silent cries, my silent pleas. God saw the tears that streamed down my face when i was crying alone. God was there.

so, boys and girls, that was my testimony. that's how i know God is there. that's how i know God answers prayers. bad things don't happen because of God. He is always there looking out for you. during times when you feel so alone, you're not.

you are never alone.

because God will be there to catch you. just like the lyrics from Not Alone, God is saying this to us -

I, I AM HERE.
I am with you, I will carry you through it all;
I won't leave you.
I will catch you, when you feel like letting go,
'cos you're not, not alone.

I will be your hope when you feel like it's over,
I will pick you up when your whole world shatters,
When you're finally in my arms, look up and see...
LOVE HAS A FACE.

that face is God's face. those arms are God's arms.

NEVER forget that.

xoxo,
Vera

i am back.

2011-12-07T21:53:00.000+08:00

my darling readers.

MY. DARLING. READERS.

if i still have any, but whatever, i'm optimistic! ^.^v

I AM BACK. i am back after hibernating for 546574534 months, and i will be blogging actively from today onwards! so stay tuned. follow me on blogger. which i don't actually know how to because of this stupid darn layout CAN A KIND SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME CREATE A PRETTY LAYOUT???? NO???? okay fine. ANYWAY. just check back regularly because i'll be posting about loadsa stuff ;) i think i'd better create a checklist because knowing me... i'll probably forget. and end up bloggin about crap. which i usually do BUT STILL.

so here's the list so be excited people. or pretend to be.

things Vera shall be blogging about pretty soon (hopefully)
1. my graduation day.
2. 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 movie review
3. my new husband-to-be, Jeremy Lin
4. my future

i think i'd better start cracking on my graduation day post cos i have like a million pictures to post up AND a million memories to put into words! ^.^v until then, people. i'm off to watch City Hunter now!

love,
Vera.

quickie :)

2011-08-22T01:22:00.000+08:00

hey lovely blogwalkers :)

this is Vera, if you've forgotten, haha ;) i'm currently up to my nose in exam preparations etc so i'll only be able to start blogging actively from mid-December, but don't worry, i WILL be back.

blogging has been such an essential part of my high school life that it has actually become an outlet for me ;) and i've made so many memories, some good, some bad, that i have to write them down so i do not forget ;D life has been especially tough on me these days, but don't worry, i shall update you guys fully in December ^.^v

stay beautiful and stay strong in God.

lovelovelove,
Vera.

yes, i'm still alive ;P

2011-05-17T12:53:00.001+08:00

currently listening to : You Wouldn't Answer My Calls by 2AM

okay people, i have not died :)

i've just been really really busy lately (what else is new?) and i also haven't been in my blogging mood in a while :( anyway, i'm in the midst of mid-terms, so i can't blog alot right now, but i promise i will blog something or at least post some pictures up on my blog! :D so stay tuned. actually i partly went on a hiatus because when you stop blogging for a period of time, the people who used to read your blog regularly will stop reading it, so that was partly my aim. for all the people in my school to stop reading my blog so i can start updating real personal stuff again :D but after awhile of posting personal stuff, someone will inevitably start reading my blog, and spread to other people, which will in turn cause other people to read, then the whole cycle begins. so yea, if you don't know me personally, do stay tuned! i'll start blogging again maybe at the end of May/early June ;)

i've learnt ALOT of things lately, and i've gotten to know MANY MANY new people. some of the people i'm close to now, i didn't even know existed like 3 months ago haha. so yea, we're close at the moment, but who knows how long these friendships will last? i really like them, for now :) but well, who knows? ;D

for now, i'll leave you guys with pictures of swatches i took months ago but never got around to posting up :) so enjoyyyy! this is OPI The One That Got Away from the Katy Perry collection. application was pretty good, drying time was pretty good :) the colour really matches my skin tone! i LOVE deep colors :D

natural sunlight.

with flash :) see how the color comes out!

GORGEOUS, NO?! ;P

this was all with minimal clean-up :) i love it! can't wait to wear it again, but i've gotta try some of my other colors first, and i have school now, so yea :( don't worry, holidays are right after my school exams!

love you guys! :)

xoxo,

Vera.

i miss you.

2011-04-07T00:13:00.000+08:00

yes i know i've been abandoning this blog :(

so i participated in this charity concert, will blog about that soon (maybe this weekend) cos it's gonna be a really really long post. anyway, this is going to be an emo post because i just had some feelings i had to vent out, and my blog is my outlet :) i ranted about this on my twitter like 5 minutes ago, but i just wanted to WRITE it out, so i'll never forget this feeling.

sigh.

i really miss you.

i know, i seem really happy on the outside, and yes i am. i'm not saying that i pine away for you on a daily basis or something, but i saw something that reminded me so much of you, and then i had this sudden wave of nostalgia, and i thought of the days we spent together, the words that we exchanged, the laughs that we had, and then i felt sad.

i have to be honest, i honestly miss what we had, and no one can ever replace you. i know that you thought that YOU were some sort of replacement for someone else in my past, but contrary to whatever you might have thought, YOU NEVER WERE. you were my friend because i genuinely liked you for who YOU were.

sadly, all good things must come to an end, and after a while, you chose THEM. i know you don't think of it as a choice, but think about it logically. it was either me, or them. and you chose them :( it's alright, and i guess this is another lesson learnt for me. never trust anyone. ever.

i miss predicting your reactions to the crap i spouted, i miss your "HUHHHHH OKAYYYYY" expression whenever i went all drama queen on you, i miss talking to you on the phone for hours while "distractions" took place at your end of the line, i miss texting you daily, i miss it all. yes, i have other friends, but none of them are like you. i love all my other friends for what they are, and they aren't you. it's just like i'm not like all your other friends. i remember how heart-wrenching it was when you told me THAT. i remember.

however, it's pretty obvious that YOU don't miss ME at all. after all, you never saw me as a long-term friend, did you? that's what you said to me. and you saw THEM as it. so it's okay :) life goes on. i still have one last thing that i borrowed from you, and a part of me does not want to return it to you, because when i do, it's the end of that chapter in my life. it's the end of our friendship. it's the end. returning it to you would mean an end to us lending and borrowing things. but, however much i want to deny it, our friendship is over. it has been for the past 3 months.

i don't even know who you are anymore. 3 months is a long time, and from what people tell me, you aren't the same person you were when you were friends with me. i don't know whether it's a good or bad change, but if you feel as if it's a good one, then it is :) i don't even know whether the person i miss is what USED TO BE you. and to be extremely frank with you, i have no idea why we fell out. NOT A CLUE. you never gave me a straight answer. but if i had to take a guess, i guess i know why...

i really hope that you're happy where you are now. however, no matter how hard you try to forget or treat the times spent with me as something not worth remembering, it's a memory nonetheless. we DID spend time together, and our friendship for this past few years was (at least I THINK) real. i honestly hope that somewhere deep DEEP inside of you, there's a part that misses me. or misses the friendship we had. but then again, wishful thinking. you've moved on (and very quickly too!), and i must too.

when my family asks me why i don't talk about you anymore, i change the topic tactfully so i can avoid the question, because i don't know what to say. sigh. anyway, thank you so much for the memories. seriously. i will treasure them for the rest of my life, and i hope you will too. you were an extremely good friend to me, and i honestly hope i was one to you too. if i wasn't, i'm really sorry for whatever i did to you. thank you for everything. just... thank you.

i'd really appreciate it if NO ONE asks me who this letter is to. unless you think it's you lah, haha :) but this person very rarely reads my blog, so yeaaaaaaaaa. also, i would be very grateful if you did not QUOTE ME and laugh about everything i say in class, because seriously, that would reflect very badly on you. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. just don't do it. and again, if you really hate me so much, STOP READING MY BLOG, DAMN IT. every single thing i said here was heartfelt, and if someone made fun of your innermost feelings, wouldn't YOU be upset? so please, please don't do that.

in conclusion, i have feelings, and even though i'm upbeat most of the time, i hurt alot too. and friends are extremely important to me. when i lose one that's particularly near and dear to me, it hurts even more. so please understand, and please don't make fun of this post, okay? thank you very much in advance.

xoxo,
Vera.

my thoughts :)

2011-03-19T01:19:00.003+08:00

okay this is going to be a quick post :)

i just wanted to share my thoughts on nails. AHAHAHA ;D one thing that seriously seriously SERIOUSLY freaks me out is freakishly long nails. obviously i don't mean those Guiness World Record types -

OMG i can't believe i'm posting this on my blog. this effing SCARES me i'm not even joking. SHIT!

however, i have to post this bloody scary picture to prove my point about long nails. i'm NOT talking about this kind of nails. apparently this woman has the longest nails in the world and SHIT THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF! she looks like Wolverine! look! the nails are yellowing! heck, not even yellowing, they're BROWN-ing! she's kept them for 30 years! imagine, not being able to button your jeans up properly for 30 years. okay i'm going to scroll down now so that i can avoid looking at that picture. i guarantee you i'll be having nightmares about her. oh no.

ANYWAY! i'm talking about nails like these.

isn't it UGLY?!

why would people ever want to have nails like that! i, for one, will never have nails like that. #1, i'm still in school, but even when i graduate, my nails will be short and sweet :) #2, i'm a pianist and i play the violin, so having long nails is out of the question. #3, nails that long are SO UGLY. ohmygoodness they are the epitome of ugly. hideous, even. disgusting.

UGH.

haha this post is pretty redundant, isn't it? but i don't care, it's my blog, and i can talk about whatever rubbish i want to, haha ;) OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH YES.

you guys obviously know that my blog's tagline is Thoughts Read Unspoken; Forever In Doubt right?

after more than 4 years, i'm finally going to tell you guys why i gave my blog that line :)

you see, when i first became semi-serious about the whole blogging thing, Gossip Girl was just starting out. and it was like the IN-thing. obviously me being me, i was obsessed with Gossip Girl, and in the 1st season (gosh i feel old), in the episode when Chuck hooked up with Blair (hardcore Chair fan here, that's why i'm not following the new season. Dair? PUI!), i still remember it was the 7th episode, during the limo scene *watch it to get what i'm talking about*, this song played. the very first time i heard it, i was hooked. i LOVED it. so i went to google it and found out that it was a song by Sum 41, called With Me.

i read the lyrics, and i thought it was super meaningful. my blog was just starting out, and i decided to put that line "Thoughts Read Unspoken; Forever In Doubt" as the tagline of my blog. bear in mind that i was an immature 13-year old and the word "plagiarism" never entered my mind. this was also the time when i thought of my RIDICULOUSLY STUPID blog address =.=" in case you didn't know, it's the name of a Gossip Girl novel. i was very into Gossip Girl at that time, as you may be able to tell.

aih, i can't believe that i used to be that childish... anyway, i guess that's why i blog. i want to be able to look back at the posts i'd written years ago and reminisce. think of the thoughts swimming in my head at that time. when that was happening. and when i was starting this blog, way back in 2007, i was very into Gossip Girl. and Steven Gerrard. gosh, those were the days ;)

as usual, i have deviated from the original topic. SO BACK ON TRACK! when i matured and got sick of my blog address, i actually thought about changing the line, but then i thought to myself :" isn't that line extremely relatable to me? "

thoughts read unspoken,

forever in doubt.

the very reason i take the time to blog once in a while (or more frequently) is because i'm afraid that i'll forget. i'm afraid i'll forget what i thought when i first listened to Taylor Swift's debut CD. i'm afraid i'll forget the concert i went to with my once-best-friend. i'm afraid i'll forget the feelings i had towards a certain friend whom i thought was for keeps.

i don't want to forget.

and, if i don't blog, wouldn't my thoughts, if left unspoken, be forever in doubt? it'll be impossible to remember every thought i had when i was 13. it'll be impossible to reminisce about the times my ex-best friend and i spent together if i don't remember the details. that's also why i save text messages. every time i deem a text message worthy enough to save, it's a memory i want to keep.

5 years down the road, i want to be able to remember. i still have text messages sent to me by my ex-best friend after a concert. even though it was years ago. recently, i fell out with a close friend of mine, but i still have the text messages. with the text messages, i have memories. i remember what we were talking about a year ago, because of the text messages i saved. i remember.

when i read them, i feel a pang of sadness. but, at least i have proof that the friendship we once had was real. it was real, and i have proof.

OMG i feel so sad all of a sudden.

it's been a rough 5 years for me, in the friendship department. i lost 2 best friends. sometimes i wonder if the pain would ever go away. the pain i felt back then. when i think about it, it still feels raw. even though years have passed. thank God for the text messages. at least i know that our friendship was once real. it was...

thankfully, i learnt one thing. the only person i can truly TRULY count on is God. through good and bad times, he has always been there, cheering me on, consoling me when i'm down. wow, how these 5 years have flown.

okay i don't know how i got so nostalgic, seeing as i started blogging about NAILS, lol :) but at least now y'all know how i feel. how i'd felt. how i will always feel. as much as i try to forget, i don't think i ever will. i forgive, but i never forget. that kind of pain i experienced... it's not something easily forgotten.

xoxo,
Vera.

ranting and raving ;)

2011-03-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : Wedding Dress by Taeyang

okay i just read that KBS will be producing a second season for Dream High, and my reaction was this-

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

however, the next paragraph mentioned that they wouldn't be using the same cast, and i breathed a sigh of relief :) OH THANK GOODNESS they aren't using the same cast! as much as i love Jin Gook/Taecyeon, if i have to look at ONE MORE PICTURE of Sam Dong and Hye Mi together, i will CRY.

so it's pretty obvious that i have not gotten over how Dream High broke my heart. how my fragile little heart shattered into a million pieces. how the writers basically WRENCHED my heart out of my chest, gave it a few punches, and when my poor heart was beating its last beats, they threw it onto the floor and stamped on it. and then my heart stopped beating.

aigoo i don't want to re-live those moments again. never had i felt so vehement about a TV show. NEVER. and that was how they chose to end it. OKAY I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i haven't been updating in a long time, so let me tell you what i've been up to recently! :D

lately, i've been WAY OBSESSED with the 2nd season of this Korean reality show, called We Got Married (WGM). basically, the producers set up 2 Korean celebrities into this faux-marriage, and they kind of have to live as a married couple (whenever the cameras are rolling, that is), doing what normal couples do, like going on dates etc. the 3 couples i'm loving are the Seohyun (SNSD) - YongHwa (CNBlue) couple, a.k.a YongSeo couple or Goguma (sweet potato) couple ; the Nichkhun (2pm) - Victoria [ f(x) ] couple, a.k.a Khuntoria couple and the Jo Kwon (2am) - Ga In (Brown Eyed Girls) couple, a.k.a Adam couple.

i knew of the show because of my sister, who had watched a couple of episodes here and there. she wasn't a really huge fan, and she stopped watching because according to her, it got boring. as you guys know, because of Dream High, i became obsessed with anything Taecyeon, Suzy and miss A. however, what you guys DON'T know is that i had always liked CNBlue (their song, I'm A Loner, was like, the first Korean song that i liked pre-Vera's K-craze) and Seohyun. since i liked both of them, i decided to watch their WGM episodes, and i just FELL IN LOVE even more.

one thing i really LOVE about Korean celebrities is how relatable they are. as much as i love Taylor Swift, i don't really think she's all that relatable for me, because she's WHITE, and she's drop dead gorgeous. all these Korean celebrities are kind of like me. they have black hair and yellow skin, some of them have small eyes like me.

okay fine she looks nothing like me. she's gorgeous. AND, NO plastic surgery.

she's SOOOOO gorgeous i'm not even kidding. aigoo. anyway, she's also ADORABLE. prior to being on WGM, she had never been in a relationship, wasn't interested in men, never kissed a boy. according to her SNSD members, she's a total geek! in WGM, she kept asking YongHwa to read more books, and said that self-help books are the best etc. you must watch it to get what i'm talking about. even though i'm inclined to hate her because she's soooooo beautiful, her personality is something you just CAN'T hate. because she's that lovable. her innocence, naivety... it's ADORABLE and you CAN'T NOT like her.

and, another thing i LOVE about her, is that she's COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the image she is required to project. as an SNSD member, basically what they're selling is their LEGS. SNSD is KNOWN for having great legs. ALL their photoshoots centre around their legs.

see what i mean.

they have great legs, no doubt, but i, for one, don't like how they're seemingly "pimping out" their legs... maybe i'm just a prude that way. ANYWAY, back to Seohyun. even though she has to dress really skimpily in tight outfits etc for SNSD, i have never seen her wear something sleeveless/short on WGM. in FORTY-EIGHT EPISODES. NEVER have i seen her wear anything short. some of you may say that it's because it's really cold in Korea, but in this episode when it was a hot day, she wore capris. that was the shortest. and i've never seen her in spaghetti tops or tanks. the "sexiest" she gets is an off-shoulder top. and THAT'S what i love about her. she's so real. she also goes about without makeup. and she still looks gorgeous, no joke.

okay this has become a I LOVE SEOHYUN post.

haha :) anyhoo, go and watch this music video.

i LOVE this song. it's super catchy and it's awesome.

anyway, through WGM, i've come to realize CNBlue's enormous talent, and i personally think that they're one of the most underrated bands in the K-pop industry. if you follow me on twitter or you're friends with me on facebook, you'd know that i had a rant about this a while ago, lol :) i was seething at the injustice of it all because CNBlue is so much more talented than many other groups out there, yet they still have not received the recognition that they deserve!

CNBlue composes their own music, writes their own lyrics, plays their own instruments. granted, they can't dance (seriously, they can't. watch WGM to see for yourself!), but they are so ENORMOUSLY TALENTED! however, they're nowhere near as famous or rich as say, 2pm or Big Bang. that's not to say the 2pm and Big Bang boys aren't talented. sure they are, but i really hope one day CNBlue will gain the recognition that they so strongly deserve. play this video while reading this.

this song was written for Seohyun :)

if you follow the show, they've been on it since Feb 2010, it's been more than a year and they'll be leaving the show, or in WGM terms "divorcing" by the end of this month or early April due to their busy schedules. when i first heard the news, i was devastated. YET ANOTHER KOREAN THING THAT IS ADDING SALT TO THE WOUND INFLICTED BY DREAM HIGH! damn it i tell you, i'm basically asking for it now, because all Korean things just break my heart. first Dream High, now the YongSeo couple bites the dust. SHEEEESH. can't they just make a girl happy?!

GEEZ!

okay. deep breaths. anyway, i think that YongHwa will always play a special part in Seohyun's life, whether or not they decide to be in a real relationship after the show, because he is, after all, her first REAL guy friend. as i said, before the show, she didn't have any guy friends. YongHwa basically helped her grow from a girl to a woman, and i honestly think that they love each other. AIGOO WATCH THE SHOW TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! i bet most of you are going "HUH?!" right now, and i feel like i'm teaching English grammar to a baboon, LOL ;D

i personally feel that they have genuine feelings for each other, unless they both are terrific actors. they both have this "look" in their eyes when they look at each other. aish i wish wish wish that they'll be together in real life, but then again... Korean things... unreliable. anyway, just watch the show. i promise you guys that you won't regret it. it's so adorable and sweet :)

***

i know that many people think that i'm crazy and overly-dramatic, being so into TV or reality TV, but honestly, my life is just too mundane. i guess it's high time i began my OWN love story, so i don't get so upset when a virtual TV couple breaks up. OMG reading that, i just realized how ridiculous i am. alot of you won't understand how i felt when Hye Mi didn't choose Jin Gook in Dream High. i was beyond upset, let me tell you. oh gosh...

you know, i'm really afraid that i'll never fall in love. nearly all of my peers are in relationships, or have their eye on someone, but i seem to be impossible to please. no one has really CAUGHT my eye, without me picking all their flaws. i don't know why i do that. i guess that's why i don't date and no one wants to date me LOL. it's because i'm overly picky and to me, no one seems to be good enough. is it abnormal for someone my age? what if i never get married and end up alone? I WANT CHILDREN! aigoo, i hate being a teenager.

xoxo,
Vera.
p/s: in case you're wondering, "aigoo" is what Korean people say when they sigh. like how Malaysians say "aiyo". Seohyun says it all the time, and i've picked it up. hey, you can't watch 48 episodes of something and not pick up anything!

NOTD - Color Club Fashion Addict ;)

2011-03-14T17:05:00.000+08:00

hey guys! :)

i have no idea what's up with me lately, i haven't been in my blogging mojo, and i didn't want to churn out some completely uninteresting blog post, so i decided not to blog altogether. unfortunately, i haven't gotten my blogging mojo back, so i'm going to post up pictures of my NOTD :) the polish i have on now is HANDS-DOWN one of the most gorgeous ones i own. however, that's not saying much as i don't own alot of polishes, haha :D

ANYWAY! it's from a not-so-famous brand (in Malaysia anyway, because most people are woefully ignorant), Color Club. never heard of it, have you?! if you have, good on you! ;) well, it's not available in Malaysia, and as always, i bought it online. it's GORGEOUS.

it's called Fashion Addict, and that, coincidentally, is me :) the application was FABULOUS, 100 times better than any other OPI i own! before i became a nail-polish aficionado, i used to think that OPI was the ultimate nail polish brand, and every other brand was not as good as it. i guess that means that OPI has an awesome marketing team, because in actual fact, in terms of color and application, many other brands kick OPI's butt! sure, OPI's nail polish colors have cute names, but compared to China Glaze and Color Club, IMHO OPI has alot of work to do! clean up for Color Club was effortless, and the sparkle is just... gorgeous. no other word to describe it! check it out for yourself ;D

with flash in artificial lighting. CLICK ON THE PIC!

with flash. isn't it gorgeous? lavender-pink with shimmer!

without flash in natural sunlight. click on the pic!

natural light :)

so freaking gorgeous up-close/

natural sunlight. OMG :)

without sunlight. it looks greyish-blue now doesn't it?

natural sunlight. holographic!!!!! :D

up-close in natural sunlight. breathtaking.

i've always read about photographers looking for good lighting, beauty gurus buying ring lights so the colors show up nice, NOW I UNDERSTAND. OMG you have no idea how many pictures i took, because it was SO DIFFICULT to get it to look as gorgeous as it is in real life! even though it's hands down one of the most gorgeous polishes i own, it's HANDS DOWN THE MOST DIFFICULT COLOR TO PHOTOGRAPH! click on the pictures and you'll see exactly how gorgeous it is! in dim light, it looks greyish-blue, in some light it's pink, some it's lavender. it's like a chameleon! so gorgeous :)

only thing is, if you don't look at it up close, it'll look like some dull grey-lavender color. but i still love this color. beyond gorgeous! ;D

xoxo,

Vera

stay tuned :)

2011-03-08T21:54:00.000+08:00

i'm so sorry i haven't been updating lately, i'm having my exams right now, and i'm SO FAILING every single Science and Math subject. aigooooooo.

dreams.

will talk about that after my exams. stay tuned. after Friday :)

xoxo,
Vera.

and i let out a derisive snort.

2011-02-28T02:10:00.004+08:00

everyone knows that lately i've been way obsessed with this Korean drama, Dream High. it was about to go down in Vera's book as the best drama in history UNTIL THEY RUINED JIN GOOK AND HYEMI'S LOVE STORY. so now, NO MORE!!!!!!! i tell you, Korean dramas are SO UNRELIABLE! the first Korean drama i ever watched was Winter Sonata (told you i never caught on the K-craze) way back when i was in primary school. i was so angry that although the two main characters got together in the end, they made the guy BLIND. bloody hell. haven't they heard of this little thing called A HAPPY ENDING?!

URGH.

so, i've gone back to my trusty American TV shows. they will always be super reliable! :) Pretty Little Liars keeps me happy with the Ezra-Aria pairing :D gosh i love them! i'm also digging the new pairing of Hanna and Caleb! for Vampire Diaries, i'm loving Jeremy and Bonnie. Nikita, i'm pretty certain Mike and Nikita will happen, so everything's good ;) and although GLEE is pissing me off by not letting Finnchel get back together again, i know for a fact that it will happen. in the mean time, i have Mike and Tina's adorableness to squeal over. Dream High, on the other hand, BROKE my GookMi (Jin Gook and Hye Mi) heart and i'll never be the same again. i've been SCARRED. damn them!

nevermind, i still have my taecyeon. i'll love him forever! :D okay maybe until i get someone else to obsess over, HAHA. kidding.

i must share these two videos with you guys! :)

first, i must explain the situation in my school. unlike American schools (that i see on TV, haha), my school is NOTHING like them. we don't have a "hierarchy", as in there are no popular kids etc. there are athletes, the smart kids, the nerdy kids, the gangsters etc but no one really treats anyone differently. in my opinion, that is. i personally think that there are no popular kids because seriously, WHO are they popular to?! no one is popular in my opinion. sure, there are some that are more well-known for certain reasons, such as being crazy smart, being a super awesome athlete etc, but they don't really bully other kids like the cheerleaders and jocks you see on GLEE. actually, the cheerleaders in my school are really nice, haha ;)

ANYWAY!

as you guys know, i have taken quite alot of shit from people whom i thought were friends. i got hurt time and time again, but i managed to bounce back better than ever because I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE BRING ME DOWN. EVER. don't you dare tell me that i can't sing if YOU can't sing for shit. don't you DARE tell me that i don't have good English when YOU can't even construct a sentence without a grammatical error. you can, however, tell me that i suck at Science and Math, because truly, i suck at it.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

GLEE just released two original songs, and they are BOTH awesome. check this one out - Loser Like Me.

check out the lyrics :

Yeah, you may think that I’m a zero
But, hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I’m a freakshow (I don’t care)
But, hey, give me just a little time
I bet you’re gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I’ll get you back when I’m your boss
I’m not thinkin’ ’bout you haters
‘Cause hey, I could be a superstar
I’ll see you when you wash my car

All of the dirt you’ve been throwin’ my way
It ain’t so hard to take, that’s right
‘Cause I know one day you’ll be screamin’ my name
And I’ll just look away, that’s right

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me

Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up-up in the air
Hey, you, over there
Keep the L up, ’cause I don’t care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go
Yeah, l-o-s-e-r
I can only be who I are

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the words you got and knock me down
Baby, I don’t care
Keep it up, I’m tunin’ up to fade you out
You wanna be
You wanna be
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me (A loser like me)
A loser like me

PREACH ON, SISTER!

I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME!

people who read my blog regularly will know more about how i hate those effing bitches in my school who are as fake as Pamela Anderson's boobs. read HERE and HERE for more of my thoughts on them. anyway! even though i'm not a "loser" in school, because there ARE no losers in my school, it's basically my thoughts! so yea, people, GO AHEAD AND HATE ON ME AND RUN YOUR MOUTH,

I COULD NOT CARE LESS.

because one day when you're screaming my name,

i'll just look away ;)

also, GLEE released another original song, sung by the awesome Lea Michele. omg i love her so much. she's like my idol. i love both her character, Rachel Berry and her real self!

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

(Pre Chorus)
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

(Chorus)
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

(Pre Chorus)
(Chorus)

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send out a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

(Pre Chorus)
(Chorus)

ah this song sounds really good! and the lyrics are awesome as well :) Rachel Berry is officially my TV soul mate! even though she's really annoying, she knows what she wants to be and she strives for it. and she has a really good heart ;) LOVE HER OMG.

okay this is a really long post. but whatever. gotta go and sleep! ;)

xoxo,
Vera.

Vera loves PapaJumba

2011-02-26T15:36:00.001+08:00

OH. EM. GEE.

okay i know i said that i was totally over kevjumba in my previous post, and i am. btw, i won't be changing the name of the archive - Vera loves kevjumba. too much of a hassle, and they were good memories :) anyway, too bad i'm now obsessed with ANOTHER jumba - PAPAJUMBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he LIKED my comment on his status. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAPAJUMBA. LIKED. MY. COMMENT.

i think i just died a little.

OMG I LOVE PAPAJUMBA.

will update properly soon. stay tuned :)

xoxo,
Vera.

i no longer love kevjumba.

2011-02-25T20:28:00.002+08:00

i have news to share with everyone.

Vera is officially over kevjumba.

i have no idea how this happened! okay i lie. actually i do know. it's because he's SINFUL. i blogged about it when it happened, read it HERE and how i felt about it HERE. anyway, back to my point of not being obsessed with kevjumba. i got over him. i don't find him funny anymore. seriously.

in his latest video, watch it HERE, i did not laugh at all. NOT ONCE. i did not even snigger. sigh i guess i'm really over him. i can just imagine all my blog readers REJOICING as i won't be posting random posts on how i'm going to marry him when i go to America, LOL ;D fret not, I'M NOW OBSESSED OVER TAECYEON!

anyway, PapaJumba just posted on his facebook wall, and alot of people have just realized that Kevin isn't an only child :) not even close to one, haha. ever since PapaJumba mentioned his daughter in the post, SO MANY PEOPLE have been googling variations of "kevjumba sister" and that just directs them to my blog. so YAY to the increase in readers! haha ;) when i was in my "OMG IM GOING TO MARRY KEVJUMBA" phase, i stalked him in my free time and found out about his sister etc. read that post HERE. now, many people are being directed to that post on my blog, haha.

OMG i just googled that and i was led to this. it really amazes me how dimwitted people can be! HAHA. in the video AWKWARD, it's PRETTY OBVIOUS that the "twin" is Kevin himself! it's called video editing, people! how could they not have realized it! OMG. are people really that *dare i say it* STUPID?!

GEEZ.

on the other hand, i'm LOVING nigahiga's latest video. i previously said that all my favourite youtube comedians were going to shit, and i take that back now! :) nigahiga's back and better than ever! i'm LOVING his latest video on Justin Bieber! watch it HERE. it's really good :D damn it i love nigahiga!

but i still don't get why people hate Justin Bieber. seriously. i'm not a HUGE fan of Justin, but i don't hate him either. i actually think that he has really good songs. and he can SING. unlike Miley Cyrus. you know, i used to LOVE Miley when she was Hannah Montana. but then she got all "i can't be tamed, y'all!" and started dressing slutty, drugs etc. it's such a pity, because i really loved her in Hannah Montana.

okay back to my Justin Bieber reasoning, i totally don't get it. maybe it's cos he always gets the girl. i mean, he IS dating Selena Gomez after all. many guys would kill to date her, or even meet her, and this pre-pubescent boy just snapped her up, LOL ;) anyway my point is, i quite like Justin Bieber. and he's coming to Malaysia! i'm totally going to goooooooooooo ;D he's coming on the 21st of April, and DAMN IT I'M GOING TO GO!

xoxo,

Vera.

DAMN IT!

2011-02-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

i seriously don't think i've ever been this upset over a TV show.

like EVER.

okay maybe when they killed off Thom on Nikita. but that doesn't count because that's an American TV show. okay fine that doesn't make sense, but WHATEVER. point is, i'm super upset right now i can actually CRY.

in the latest episode of Dream High, episode 14, Hye-Mi (the protagonist) finally realizes who she wants to be with, and chooses between Jin Guk (taecyeon) and Sam Dong (kim soo hyun).

as you all know, i started loving taecyeon because of his character in Dream High. i had always been rooting for Hye Mi and Jin Guk to end up together because although Sam Dong is totally awesome to Hye Mi, the couple that triggers the most squeals for me was always the MiGook pairing.

AND NOW!

THE BLOODY WRITERS SCREWED

ME OVER!

nearing the end of the series, Hye Mi finally chooses. and it's Sam Dong, not Jin Guk like what everyone expected to be.

DAMN IT I AM SO ANGRY!

when it first happened, i actually shouted at my computer screen. i was THAT ANGRY. and now... there's nothing i can do about it. what's done is done. Hye-Mi is ending up with Sam Dong, and Jin Guk will be left heartbroken. LOVE IS LOST.

MY LIFE IS OVER.

okay haha i'm being a tad too melodramatic. but yea, i was upset. still am, in fact. i think it'll be really hard for me to get over this. remember, i gave Dream High the distinction of being the BEST DRAMA EVER in Vera's book. but now... after them ruining Jin Guk's life, i'm not too sure.

let me wallow in my own misery for a while.

xoxo,
Vera.

DREAM HIGH, a chance to fly high ;)

2011-02-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

ZOMGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DREAM HIGH IS CURRENTLY

TRENDING ON TWITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay i think i kind of lost my mind, but I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DREAM HIGH, A KOREAN DRAMA, IS ACTUALLY

TRENDING ON TWITTER!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BEING

COMPARED TO GLEE, A WORLD-FAMOUS

SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASIANS HAVE MADE IT, I TELL

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASIANS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU SEE THAT?????????!!!!!!!!!

DREAM HIGH/GLEE IS TRENDING

WORLDWIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WORLDWIDE, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZOMG I AM SO HAPPY I AM GOING TO DIE.

ASIANS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay this was totally random but i seriously had to share it with everyone! i'm so happy that Asians are finally rising up. this is awesome. this is unheard of. this is. EPIC. Dream High, indeed ;) it must be taecyeon. taecyeon's smouldering stare has catapulted Dream High to international fame! OMG i really hope that after this surge in popularity, Dream High will have a second season!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxo,
Vera.

taecyeon is awesome. K-craze max :)

2011-02-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : Breathe by miss A

okay so it's pretty obvious that my K-craze has not ended.

in fact, i think that this is the start of something new. this is the START of Vera Tan, previously an anti-Korean-wave shipper jumping ship to becoming a K-fanatic! it's totally embarrassing, and i totally bite my tongue for all the things i said to my friends for their craze for everything Korean, because now, i SERIOUSLY get it. everything's just so addictive! ;D

BUT, i'm only obsessed with anything Dream High, taecyeon, Suzy, 2pm and miss A! nothing else, so far. i guess Dream High has really TRANSFORMED me in more ways than one! :) so today i just wanted to share with you guys a thought that i've been having for a while. i've been thinking of ways to put it into words, and i think i've finally been able to :)

previously, when i was obsessed with Chad Michael Murray, Steven Gerrard & Taylor Swift (still am, btw), i never thought of them as REAL. it's like, the first time i caught a glimpse of Taylor Swift in the flesh, i felt woozy and everything felt so surreal. was i REALLY seeing her? was she REALLY right in front of me?! nothing felt real, because this was a person you only saw on a television or computer screen, someone absolutely unattainable, someone impossible to become.

BUT, for my recent obsessions of kevjumba and everything Dream High, both of them seem possible! that's why i was so freakin' obsessed with Kevin and i was SERIOUS about marrying him. i'm not now, read my Vera loves kevjumba archive for full details :) the rise and fall of Vera's obsession with kevjumba. LOL ;D ANYWAY! THAT IS NOT THE POINT!

the point is, to me, Korean superstars are not that unattainable. Korea, after all, isn't that far away, and i can go there if i want to, stalk taecyeon if i want to, befriend Suzy (since she's my age!) if i want to! ZOMG I AM LOSING MY MIND.

you see, this is how i get when i'm obsessed with something. i lose all rationale and start typing nonsense. do i even make sense? NO? okay nevermind forget it. point is, i love Dream High. and i love taecyeon. OMG i shall show you more pictures of him.

for some reason, i find this picture of him insanely attractive. told you i have a thing for tall, slanty-eyed Asians.

the one in the middle.

HOW IS THIS NOT HOT YOU

TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIPPED MAX!!!!!! ;DDDDD

ZOMG i'm so obsessed right now. LOVELOVELOVE :)

in the yellow windbreaker.

and YES he wears glasses in real life. i think it makes him look totally nerdy-sexy, which is awesome. but for reason, he's REALLY self-conscious about his glasses. like he NEVER wears them for public appearances. i was watching him and 2pm on this reality show called Idol Army, and they showed the whole group playing a game that would exempt the members from preparing breakfast (they were in the wilderness), and they all had just woken up. the cameras pretty much prodded them awake, and i thought that was adorable. anyway, when he first woke up, he was wearing his spectacles, and the camera didn't really focus on him that much. but when it was his turn for the game, he took off his glasses straightaway and you would not have noticed it unless you were watching him like a hawk. like me :)

argh i don't get why guys are so VAIN. i mean, would you rather walk around HALF BLIND rather than wear your spectacles and not look as cool?! same goes with alot of girls i know. i have ALOT of friends that have spectacles, but only wear them in class. WHAT'S THE POINT?! i know with my glasses, i look uber-nerdy and NO GUY hits on a girl in glasses, but WHO CARES?! i have contacts, yes, but i don't really feel very comfortable with them, so i only wear them when i'm going out. i wear glasses most of the time. even though i look really nerdy and aunty-ish in it. but SO MANY people are so SELF-CONSCIOUS that they'd rather walk around HALF BLIND just to LOOK BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!! ridiculous!

okay i'm so off-topic right now. point is, taecyeon looks hot with and without glasses. which reminds me, i've gotta change my glasses. hmmm.

he looks hot huh! just rub off the eyeliner :D

ARGH okay i shall stop this. continue soon. gotta go and sleep! :)

xoxo,

Vera.

p/s : i shall start blogging about stuff with substance when i get over taecyeon. which may be never. HAHA KIDDING, when i feel like it lah :) at the moment i'm just obsessed with everything taec :D sorry!

i'm back! :) and i HEART taecyeon.

2011-02-17T22:55:00.003+08:00

currently listening to : Dreaming by Kim Soo Hyun

i am alive and kicking, thank you very much :)

haha, hey guys, i know i haven't been updating in a while. about 16 days, to be exact. so allow me to give you a low-down of what has happened in my life in this past 2 weeks.

surprisingly, ALOT has happened ;D

some good, some bad. but i'll update about the good first.

so i didn't update during the first week of February because it was Chinese New Year, and i went back to my hometown, which had no internet connection. sadly, my grandparents live in a really secluded area of Penang, so yea. my Chinese New Year was subpar though. a pathetic haul of angpow this year :( but i guess i should be grateful, haha.

THEN, i went to see

Taylor Swift LIVE in Singapore!

i don't have any pictures or videos because of something that happened, but i guess i have my memories ;) LET ME TELL YOU that Taylor is FREAKING GORGEOUS. if you follow me on twitter or Facebook, you'd have seen my updates on Taylor's concert. IT. WAS. AWESOME. it was a dream come true, to see my idol (i have an archive titled Taylor Swift = LOVE, check it out. posts date back to 2008) in the flesh. i will honestly never forget that night, February 9th ;D

my friend and i went all the way to Singapore and it was incidentally, the first time i was in Singapore. yes i know i'm basically the most under-travelled person in this whole world =.=" so anyway! Singapore is so CLEAN. everything's so EFFICIENT. the MRT is AWESOME! can you believe it? i love public transportation! you should really see Malaysia's public transportation. it's abysmal. the buses actually RATTLE, the seats haven't been cleaned since the dawn of time, and the schedule is ridiculous. i have actually waited more than an hour in the sweltering heat for a bus. sometimes, the bus drivers just drive past you. the LRT is so inefficient, and they take ages to arrive. it's also super dirty. okay i shall stop now.

the point is, Singapore's really nice :) one thing i noticed about Singaporeans - alot of people walk around with earphones. and when i say alot, i mean ALOT. nearly everyone has an iPhone or an iPad! and i think it's pretty easy to differentiate a Singaporean girl and a Malaysian girl :) Singaporean girls care a whole lot more about their appearance than Malaysian girls! everywhere i went, i saw girls taking the MRT to the library with a face full of makeup with high heels to boot! Malaysian girls (like me) just can't be bothered, LOL :D but, Singaporeans are REALLY REALLY friendly. Singaporean boys especially! it was SO EASY to make friends!

because my friend and i had free standing tickets and we wanted to be in the front row, we went to the stadium at around 2pm as the concert was scheduled to start at 7pm. while in line, i met quite a few people and they were awesome! it was just super easy to make friends and none of the guys were as awkward as Malaysian guys, haha. i also noticed that Singaporean guys look alot better than Malaysian guys, haha.

ANYWAY!

the concert was epic. Taylor was AWESOME. i screamed my lungs out, and i have a sore throat now, haha. i'm soooo happy that i've seen Taylor Swift, my idol, in the flesh, and one of my goals in life has been fulfilled! ;)

***

i'm currently OBSESSED with this Korean drama called Dream High.

BEST. DRAMA. EVER.

hands down.

i do not give this title to any tv show out there, let me tell you. i follow many television shows, namely Pretty Little Liars, GLEE, Nikita, Vampire Diaries etc, and none of them are as awesome as this!

also, i was never someone big on Korean-anything. when all my schoolmates were hit by the Korean wave, i was staunchly watching my American television shows and movies. BUT. this drama will CHANGE YOUR LIFE! my sister was the one who introduced me to this show. she watched it on KBS World on Mondays and Tuesdays, and i was forced to watch it as well. and i found it intriguing, so i began to watch it online.

AND I GOT ADDICTED.

it's THAT awesome. i haven't been this crazy about a drama since GLEE first started. and i've put all my American TV shows on hold since i started watching this drama! again, if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you'd know all this already :D

I AM IN LOVE WITH

TAECYEON.

who is taecyeon, you ask?

OH *faints*

don't you think he's super hot?!

okay i have a thing for tall guys with small, slanty eyes. must be an Asian thing. seriously, i think guys with small, slanty eyes are sexy as hell. ARGH IT'S A WEAKNESS I TELL YOU.

people who know me will know that i don't normally like Korean guys. because a majority of them are prettier than me. and i am a girl. so that just disgusts me. i dislike feminine looking guys, like this -

mm-hmm, this is a man.

ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

back to my point of taecyeon being the hottest Asian to grace the planet! yes i've given up kevjumba because he is SINFUL! i am fickle, i know. but i'm a prude, so someone who hooks up randomly is a huge no-no for me! which brings me to my next point!

TAECYEON IS A CHRISTIAN!

this is a sign from God! A SIGN FROM GOD, I TELL YOU!

the one on the right. oh goodness gracious me.

ARGH!

SO FREAKIN' HOT!

actually his face is not all that. what really drew me to him was his character in Dream High. WATCH THE SHOW to understand what i'm talking about! trust me, if a die-hard American TV show freak like me can be converted, you can too, CONFIRM. on the show, he cares so much for the protagonist, Hye-Mi and i'm a sucker for caring guys. so one thing led to another, and now i'm OBSESSED with anything taecyeon. taecyeon has replaced kevjumba in my dictionary! here's to hoping taecyeon isn't sinful, like kevjumba! one thing - he's 6 years older than me. and it's bad.

according to my mother and my grandmother, someone born in the year of the dog like me should not be with anyone 6 years older, which is the year of the dragon, i think. it's just old fengshui, but apparently it's true, so yea. OKAY I'M SO OFF-TOPIC RIGHT NOW. anyway!

he was born in Seoul but he lived in the US for most of his life, in Massachusetts to be exact, and he's super fluent in English. i've heard him speak English, and BOY IS IT SEXY!

okay i shall continue extolling the virtues of taecyeon tomorrow as i have to sleep now.

i haven't been feeling very well lately :(

xoxo,

Vera.

Pixie Lott mania :)

2011-02-01T01:24:00.000+08:00

i'm newly obsessed with Pixie Lott! :)

so everyone from my school thinks that my signature song is Mama Do (because i sang that during last year's Idol Finals) and i think it's kinda funny LOL. i really liked the song but i never really bothered to look out for any other Pixie songs.

UNTIL NOW.

oh my goodness i am SO obsessed with Gravity by Pixie Lott! i think i've listened to it like 50 times today already, no kidding!!!!! i LOVE it!!!! and she looks SO GORGEOUS in the music video OMG! watch the video HERE. it is SO AWESOME i can't stop singing it! i would totally sing it for this concert i'm participating in, if not for the fact that it's SUPER HIGH and i fear that my throat will constrict when i'm on stage. don't you think Pixie looks GORGEOUS in the video?! and she dances SO WELL! i've always admired people who could dance like a dream, because i used to be a dancer, and i wasn't very good, haha.

i've always had admiration for people who could dance/paint/draw/sculpt very well! maybe it's because those are the only things in the art sector that i cannot do. anywayyyyy back to my point! PIXIE LOTT IS AWESOME AND I LOVE HER OHMYGOSH! she is such a good dancer! i also love her song Cry Me Out, the video is HERE. she is so gorgeous! and SUCH a good singer!

okay i'm totally envious of her right now! you know she's like 20 this year, and she's accomplished so much?! too bad she's not that big in the US. but apparently she's HUGE in the UK, so i guess that's enough right? okay i LOVE this song as well! Broken Arrow ;) mad jealous cos she's so gorgeous, watch video HERE. okay i'm going to stop extolling her virtues now because my self esteem has like dropped 10 points just typing this post :(

SO!

nigahiga released a new video a couple of days ago, watch video HERE before you continue reading.

it's not even funny. like AT ALL.

i miss the old nigahiga! i miss the old kevjumba! WHY WHY WHY have all my favourite youtube comedians gone to shit?! they used to be sooooo funny! in kevjumba's I Have A Unibrow video from jumbafund, i seriously laughed until i wanted to pee. and in Kev's not so funny videos, i still at least snigger. or smile. i laugh SO HARD in most of nigahiga's old videos! i love all of them especially the Skitzo ones! Hanate's my favourite, in case you're wondering :)

sigh. i really miss the old nigahiga and kevjumba. they used to be able to make me laugh until i was gasping for air. but now... i just watch and then forget about it. i'm currently living only on raywilliamjohnson and shanedawson and they ain't that funny!!!! okay some of the vids RWJ reviews are DAMN FUNNY especially THIS and THIS, MUST WATCH I TELL YOU! you won't regret it, trust. i think these are my favourite videos so far. i laughed like mad ;D and now since i have no more comedic videos to watch, i'm watching more and more make-up tutorials.

;)

will be in Penang from tomorrow till Saturday, so no updates. but you can email me at veratanxoxo@gmail.com if you'd like! LOL ;)

lastly, i wish all of you a very happy Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fa Cai! :D

xoxo,

Vera

sad :(

2011-01-31T00:11:00.001+08:00

why do things become weird so quickly?

how is it possible to feel so close to a person one day, and so distant the next?

why is it so awkward between us?

i've tried really hard but it seems as if you'd LIKE distance.

and that's weird.

***

here's my Nail of the Day ;) i'm thinking of removing it tomorrow and painting something festive since it's Chinese New Year. DON'T SAY RED, because i don't have reds, haha. pathetic i know! i'm thinking a pink. so maybe OPI Shorts Story. or OPI's Do You Lilac It just cause it's pretty ;) anyway, without further ado, this is China Glaze Passion from the Romantique collection. i had China Glaze Emotion a while ago. so the drying time of these were pretty good, better than any other OPI i've used, save for the glitters. i didn't apply it very carefully because i plan on removing them tomorrow which means that i've had them on for only 3 days. it was a bit on the streaky side, which was pretty annoying. i kept destroying my right hand by smudging it but my left hand was done pretty quickly. i think it's a GORGEOUS metallic gold and pictures don't do it any justice, seriously. it must be the lighting.

natural lighting. today was a rainy day, so there was practically no sun.

artificial lighting. i took this 5 minutes ago, and the lighting turns it yellow.

with flash. as you can see, the flash shows all the streaks.

all in all, i LOVE this color! it looks so metallic especially when it's in a slightly dimmer area! my nails really take on a very metallic tone that just looks SUPER COOL! if i change my nail color tomorrow i'll post new pictures of my NOTD ;)

hope you liked this!

xoxo,

Vera.

words fail me.

2011-01-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

ohmygoodness.

OHMYGOD.

I JUST SAW THE VIDEO OF A

MALAYSIAN MAN ABUSING A

TOY POODLE ON YOUTUBE.

i'm not going to post a link up here because that video is just... i can't even find a word to describe it. i don't even know what to type next because i'm having an influx of thoughts. i cannot understand. cannot comprehend. i just cannot. how. HOW CAN PEOPLE DO THIS.

ARE THEY EVEN

PEOPLE????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARE THEY HUMAN

BEINGS?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN THEY ABUSE

ANIMALS

LIKE THAT???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INNOCENT

ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these people are the scum of the earth. they are not worth the oxygen we breathe. can you believe that there are people all over the world, grasping onto their very last thread of life because of some fatal disease whereas SCUMBAGS AND ASSHOLES like these are able to live vicariously?????????!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I AM SO ANGRY NOW.

will blog tomorrow.

twitter and kevjumba FTW!

2011-01-23T01:36:00.003+08:00

updated : is kevjumba a jerk?

OMG this is SOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!

on Twitter, things that are trending are SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ADORBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lovelovelove them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demi Tomato (for Demi Lovato)
Bruno Jupiter (Bruno Mars)
Katy Berry (Katy Perry)
Selena Guava (Selena Gomez)
Taylor Sweep (Taylor Swift)
Hotnas Brothers (Jonas Brothers)
Kanye South (Kanye West)

OHEMGEE SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

I. LOVE. IT.

save for one. Selena does not have to right to have Guava as her "surname"! i LOVE guavas and i HATE Selena!!!!!!! and NO IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF JUSTIN BIEBER. i seriously do not give a shit whether or not she's dating Justin. thing is, she's a horrible friend. i know some of you are going to say that she's Taylor Swift's best friend, and yea, she is. BUT, she WAS Demi Lovato's best friend, but she ditched her like yesterday's newspaper, and could not be BOTHERED when Demi went into rehab.

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND IS

THAT???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ex best friend or not, i would totally be concerned if a friend of mine went into rehab!!!! but obviously she could not give a shit. i seriously dislike her. i really hope Taylor wakes up from her reverie and DUMPS her sorry ass because seriously, after what Selena did to Demi, i bet she would not hesitate to do the same to Taylor.

#ihateSelena FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, follow me on Twitter at Vera_Seriously because i am awesome. HAHA.

***

OHMYGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH KEVJUMBA

FINALLY UPLOADED A NEW VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AFTER MORE THAN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!

okay the fangirl in me is coming out, BUT i have to say, the video isn't all that funny..

watch the video HERE before you continue reading.

honestly, i didn't laugh once. NOT ONCE. i thought the whole black friends thing was kind of lame. and when i type in the search bar, the first thing that comes up is -

as you can probably tell, i like pink. ALOT.
but that's not the point. the point is :

#1 - is kevjumba on amazing race?

and gay is third, LOL.

i certify myself as a kevjumba expert because i am a psycho cyber stalker, so i hereby give myself the right to answer every one of those questions. and i guarantee about 90% accuracy.

1. is kevjumba on Amazing Race?
YES HE WAS. he and his dad lasted until the 7th leg, and placed 7th overall.

2. is kevjumba Chinese?
to be more accurate, he's Taiwanese-American, but since Taiwan is part of China, yea he's Chinese :)

3. is kevjumba Gay?
according to him, a vehement NO.

4. is kevjumba still in the Amazing Race?
no. he's not taking part in the All-Star Unfinished Business Amazing Race season.

5. is kevjumba an only child?
NO. he has a younger sister, Kelly. read all about how i discovered that HERE.

oh, here's a screenshot of how she looks like. OMG i'm super creepy lah. but nevermind.

if Kelly somehow reads this post (which i strongly doubt) i'm not a stalker, seriously. SERIOUSLY. this is just to inform my readers who i assume are all kevjumba fans :)

6. is kevjumba Taiwanese?
YUP. refer to question 2.

7. is kevjumba on the Amazing Race?
refer to question 1.

8. is kevjumba Christian?
THIS IS A QUESTION I ASK TOO! and after extensive research (meaning 15 minutes of googling around and 3 months of Kevin-stalking, which is a sport to me), i think NOT. okay if i'm wrong i'm sorry, but really, from what i pick up from his videos, i doubt he's one.

9. is kevjumba eliminated?
seriously i don't understand why people have such bad grammar. eliminated from what?! gosh. but if they meant Amazing Race, yea. Michael and Kevin placed 7th overall.

10. is kevjumba a virgin?
HAHA. if you're a follower of my blog, you'd know that i discovered that he hooked up with an Australian girl a couple of weeks ago when he was Down Under on holiday. read my thoughts HERE. and after that post i had another post explaining why i felt that way, read that HERE. anyway, i DOUBT he's a virgin, because according to my friend, Americans don't care about their virginity and nearly everyone above the age of 21 is not a virgin. so i doubt it.

UPDATED (25/1/11)

i noticed that there was a "is kevjumba a jerk" search so yea :)

okay as i don't really know him PERSONALLY, i can't guarantee accuracy for this, but this is what i pick up from like MILLIONS OF VIEWS of his videos. yes i have no life.

anyhoo, i do not think that he's a jerk. i think he's cocky. as in, he knows that he has pull cos he's famous and everything, and you know, guys have egos the size of Greenland. so i don't think he's a JERK, just a cocky guy. and he does a good job of covering that up in his videos, let me tell you! let me know if i'm wrong, please :D

so there you go! :)

gosh i'm psycho, but nevermind. all in good fun ;)

back to what i thought of his latest video, AWKWARD. well, i have to say, i really like his gay "brother". i mean, only an idiot won't be able to tell that that was him lah obviously LOL. anyway, i prefer his alter ego to him :D it's funny how his "brother" lives in the closet, LOL. don't you think he was so adorable at 0:12 - 0:15 when he stamped on the floor?! and SO ADORABLE from 1:40 - 1:53. okay the "real" kevjumba was really cute then as well when he was like :" stop! put that sword away! " LOL. anyhoo, what he said after that really affirmed what i thought of his virginity - DEFINITELY NOT A VIRGIN.

watch 1:54 - 1:55. he says of his 'brother' :

" he needs to get laid. "

sigh. my dreams of being married to him, shattered.

YEA I'M A PRUDE, so what?!

i will blog more about me being a prude later. or tomorrow, we'll see ;)

xoxo,

Vera.

patience is a virtue :)

2011-01-21T20:48:00.000+08:00

hey everyone! ;)

i haven't been updating for these past few days because i've been quite caught up in stuff, but i'll blog tomorrow night (Saturday) okay?!

i had an epiphany a few days ago and i want to share it with you guys cos i'm pretty sure alot of you can relate to it :) so stay tuned ;D

xoxo,
Vera.

i'm tired yet i'm in a good mood.

2011-01-18T00:12:00.000+08:00

i'm in a very good mood now, i don't know why. i just feel happy. and that's really surprising considering what i found out today. i guess i AM made up of stronger stuff than i thought i was! :) i seriously don't care what people think of me lol. so think what you want lah, 懒得管你啊! for people who don't read Chinese, it means i'm too lazy to bother. teehee :D

it's very entertaining to hear people speculating about the people i talk about in my blog, so i'll give you people a few tips :)

just because i say HER, it doesn't mean that it's a girl :D
i do censor and make up some details, for instance, school can mean violin or ballet school :)

okay i think i gave enough away, LOL.

***

so tired today! i hate house practise >.< okay technically i didn't really do anything except walk around the field ( i miraculously managed to escape running the 100m and doing the long jump) but still! walking around the field is very tiring okay! HAHA kidding. i just don't really like "exercising" in the afternoon.

point is, i'm incredibly tired. will update later today if i can ;) okay off to bed now! have a great day, everybody! love!

xoxo,

Vera.

attitude. i like it :)

2011-01-17T00:09:00.001+08:00

so there's this guy on youtube called luanlegacy. he has around 50,000 subscribers, so he's relatively famous. a friend of mine told me to check out his videos because he's super funny and kevjumba actually tweeted him saying that he's doing a good job. see -

anyhoo, i watched a couple of his videos, and i don't really see what the big hoo-ha is about. maybe that's because he swears entirely too much, and i HATE people who swear alot. especially those who punctuate EVERY. SINGLE. SENTENCE with f*** or motherf******. i don't like it. if you're super angry then okay, you're justified. but seriously it seems as if these people have no other words except f*** in their vocabulary. geez!

okay i digress again. so as i was saying, i was doing some research on this guy, as in who the heck is he, where does he come from, what does he usually talk about etc, and i saw his tumblr. and he reblogged something that i thought was SUPER AWESOME and it's basically what i tell myself everyday and WHAT I LIVE BY.

isn't this AMAZING?! it's as if it came out from my own mouth, OMG!

Don’t give a shit about what people think about you. Do whatever makes you happy; have as much as fun as you can, because in a couple years when you graduate, you wont see 90% of the people you knew from high school ever again. And the ones that you do see, will only be a time of reminiscing of the good old days. Nobody is going to care about what you wore to school that one day or who you dated, etc.

this is so true, ohmygod! everytime i hear untrue rumours about me and stuff, i just shrug them off and think :" who gives a shit. i'm going to graduate in less than year, and i'll never see most of them ever again in my life. " of course, it hurts when you hear people whom you thought were close to you gossiping behind your back, but regardless, we move on, and i'll probably won't remember half their faces in 5 years time.

so say all you want about me, bitches.

as if i give a shit.

DIVA ON!

xoxo,

Vera.

you know you lie to me ;D

2011-01-16T02:39:00.001+08:00

so it's going to be 2am on a Sunday and there's stationery sprawled on the computer desk. my drawing pad's right in front of me, and suddenly i had this urge to blog.

i'm not too sure how many people can relate to what i'm about to talk about, but what i'm sure of is there definitely will be some who can :)

people who know me will know that i'm someone who's extremely stubborn in my ways, and i will not take no for an answer. i'm determined to get what i want and i won't back down until i get it. you may be thinking :" hey, that's awesome perseverance!" but NO. that's not the reaction i get usually.

in the Asian society, vociferous women are shunned. women are meant to be SEEN, NOT HEARD, is what they say. that's why alot of my peers emulate cute or KAWAII Japanese/Korean girls who have extremely high-pitched voices. they whine, wail and cry to get what they want and surprise! they usually get it. i, for one, CANNOT STAND these people. i mean seriously. i always feel like throttling these people when i see them, and trust me, i see ALOT of them on a daily basis, since i go to a school that's saturated with Chinese-educated people. they're the girls who worry about the state of their hair in school, bring mirrors and combs to school and look at their reflection during class. they are the girls who spend half the time in school going to our incredibly smelly toilets so that they can FIX THEIR HAIR.

okay i'm getting majorly annoyed because i cannot STAND these people.

a school is a place to learn. it's not a runway. there is no POINT fussing about your hair or how high your socks are when you're in SCHOOL. i especially dislike those irritating girls who cover half their face with their bangs, and comb them every 5 seconds. I MEAN COME ON MAN! THIS IS A FREAKING SCHOOL!!!!!!!! it's alright to fuss about your appearance when you're out with friends and stuff, because well, i'm a girl, would you really hold it against me? *omg Britney song reference! WIN!* but when you're in school, is it really necessary????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and those incredibly high-pitched voices, are they even REAL???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay i'm very annoyed now but i digress. back to my point.

so as you can tell, i'm not like these girls. when i'm in school, i pin up every single strand of my hair away from my face so they don't obstruct my view when i'm writing. i only go to the toilet when i REALLY have to go because seriously, my school toilets are the bomb. the stink bomb. OMG funny story there was this time about a week ago when i REALLY had to pee. so i went to the nearest toilet and when i stepped in, this fierce odour assaulted me. well, it was the smell of shit. i REALLY had to go, so i bravely closed my nose and peered into the cubicles. all 4 cubicles had a pile of shit in the urinals. funny thing is, they weren't even small. they were ELEPHANT-DUNG-SIZED shit. no joke. so i ran (really, i ran) away and went to the other toilet, haha. i really wonder how people can produce shit of this size. i mean, it's GINORMOUS! everyone must have been having food poisoning at the same time, LOL ;D

okay i digress again!

so anyway, i'm what people call "strong-willed" because as i said, i don't back down. but is that appreciated?! NO. guys will call this kind of attitude "BITCHY" instead, because girls aren't supposed to be as good as them, you know. if a GIRL tells her group members what to do, she's BOSSY. if a guy does that, he's MANLY. what kind of logic is this????!!!!!!!!! double-standards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

point is, i'm a stubborn and bold person. people call me bitchy and bossy but i don't care because in life, wailing and whining can only get you so far. if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself, the loser in life will be YOU, and YOU ALONE.

however, there are times when being strong-willed and the "determined" one gets tiring. really, it does.

it's tiring to always be the brave one in the toughest situations. it's tiring to have to show a brave face all the time. it's just tiring. there are times when you feel like all you need is to curl up in your bed and there are times when you feel like you should START DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THE INJUSTICE IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

obviously i'm feeling the latter now, but i'll let you guys know when i'm feeling girly and feminine, LOL. anyway, can anyone relate to me? or maybe it's just me who feels that way?

***

i'm sick and tired of having to hear people gossiping about me behind my back. honestly. there is no POINT bitching about me behind your back! what do you want me to do?! expose you on my blog and blow the issue out of proportion? oh, sorry, ain't gonna do that, because i just don't want to waste my precious words on a bitch like you.

you are a low-life, that you are.

-

Dear Hater :

hello! :) i don't exactly know the details of the bitching, and i don't really care. what i WANT to know is WHY?! i've never done anything to you in my life, EVER. i don't see you, i don't talk to you, and i don't think i even know you that well. what is the point, huh?!

there is no point giving me a look of contempt when you see me, because we both know that that look is really directed to yourself. i give you friendly hellos because i want to keep the peace. i don't WANT to have this issue with you, you started it all by yourself. you are the queen of bitchiness, and don't deny it. heck, i think you'd probably be embracing it!

when you gossip about me, you do realize that the only bad person you're reflecting on is yourself? there is no such thing as hating me JUST BECAUSE, and if that's really the reason you give, you are an asshole of the first degree. oh wait. maybe you are......

so to sum up this extremely short message, i KNOW that you're reading this :) you always read my blog. you like it :D what's the point? since you hate me sooooooo much, just don't read it! but who's the winner now? think about it. person A is a person who has not done anything. person B is a person who bitches about A but reads A's blog frequently. hmmmm... decisions decisions...

Yours Sincerely,
Vera ;)
*you know who you are.*
-

okay i have to go and sleep now, i might update later tonight, but no promises. i've been watching michellephan's videos and i must say, she's a really pretty girl! what i wouldn't give for those lips! DIE.

xoxo

Vera.

this one's for you :D

2011-01-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

i have something to share :)

i HATE fake people. seriously, i do. in my opinion, if you dislike a person, don't talk to them or better yet, ignore them. don't go all out to be nice to them but secretly throw daggers at them. it makes you just as bad as they are, and i always believe in rising up to be the better person. and i've said this before and i'll say it again, i can never and WILL NEVER understand how you can dislike a person who has been nothing but nice to you. truly, everything happens for a reason, and you must have a REASON to dislike someone. don't go out and say shit like :

" like ohmygod, i just think that she's like, totally bitchy, and like, i don't like the way she looks. even though i don't know her, i just hate her. ohmygod! " (major bitchy tone)

don't you think it's ridiculous? because i do.

take Leticia for example. i have been NOTHING BUT NICE to her. i have never been rude or mean or bitchy to her. heck, i haven't even spoken to her in more than half a year. YET, Leticia INSISTS on bitching about how much she hates me to the world. WHY, huh? i seriously don't understand why Leticia even BOTHERS. isn't it kind of like wasting her breath?!

enter Leticia's friend, Elaine. gosh, i think Elaine's an even bigger bitch that Leticia is. why? well, Elaine's supposed to be my friend. SHE is the fakest one of the lot, in my opinion. to my face, she says all the right things, smiles and laughs at the right time, but behind that facade, she's spewing vitriol! and the best part is - Elaine and I are SUPPOSED to be friends. so in a way, she's even more virulent than Leticia.

sigh, so much drama.

so much hatred.

the big question is WHY?!

what is the bloody point of hating someone who has not wronged you in any way? do you not realize that by hating someone, you're taking years of YOUR life, not theirs?! so please, stop hating. i don't hate you. really, i don't. if you guys came up to me and apologized, i'd forgive both of you in a heartbeat, no joke. but i doubt that that day will ever come.

oh, and about the issue mentioned here , a friend of mine told me why these dungus read my blog. so APPARENTLY, they hate me because i'm a "drama queen" YET they read my blog really loyally because it's "interesting"... hmph. me being a drama queen basically MAKES my blog what it is ;) ah these idiots... when will they learn... when indeed?

speculate away,

it's not as if i'm ever going to tell you who they are :)

xoxo,

Vera.

Not In The Mood.

2011-01-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : If This Was A Movie by Taylor Swift

hey guys! :)

so i haven't been updating as frequently as before, because (if you're friends with me on facebook or you follow me on twitter you'd know) i've been crazy busy with my homework and classes! it's been so hectic, and my body has not gotten used to the mad schedule of waking up at 6.30am and sleeping at 2am. so yea :( i really hope that i'll be able to continue updating, but... sigh i really don't know.

i took a nap earlier, but i still feel incredibly lethargic! i have a dreadful headache :( sigh i really hope this will pass because i have SO MUCH to blog about, but i just haven't been in the mood, seriously! i'm actually doing my math homework now (thumbs up to keeping to one resolution!) so i'm quite caught up in stuff.

okay anyway i have like, no inspiration now because neither kevjumba nor nigahiga has posted any videos on youtube, DAMN IT! how am i supposed to get my fill of them????!!!! that's why i've been in a bad mood. also, my sister is sick. so i am JUSTIFIED i tell you!!!!!!!!!!! okay she is vomiting now :'(

OMG can't believe i'm 17 already, god i'm old. okay technically i'm not 17 YET but since i'm in Form 5 i think of myself as a seventeen-year-old, and GAWD AM I OLD.

okay the super old me has a migraine now, gotta go.

xoxo,

Vera.

a promise.

2011-01-11T00:58:00.002+08:00

sorry for the inactivity, guys! :(

i PROMISE a long update later (it's like 1am now), when i'm back from school! stay tuned!

xoxo

Vera

NOTD - China Glaze Romantique Collection, Emotion.

2011-01-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : Warwick Avenue by Duffy

i'm VERY tired now, so i'll just leave you with one thing -

my nail of the day!!!!! :)

this is from the China Glaze Romantique Collection, Emotion :) it's this super awesome metallic pink color and i LOVE it! :D too bad CG isn't available in Malaysia so i had it shipped over :D btw, i look really yellow in the second picture because of my horrible lighting. it's a wee bit messy because i haven't bothered cleaning it up as i have to remove it by Sunday because of school :(

xoxo,

Vera.

bah.

2011-01-07T15:08:00.000+08:00

there is something seriously wrong with gmail today! :(

why can't it load properly!!!!!!!! HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

full update later!
xo

Screenshots are awesome.

2011-01-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

i have just been shown an outpouring of love and i am beyond touched :)

will blog about that soon, if i feel like it :D now, i want to show you screenshots of nigahiga and kevjumba in chestersee's latest video! adorableeeeeeeeeeeeee ;)

click on the picture and you can see Kevin! :)

OMG don't you think Kevin looks spastic? and that picture of him buried is PRESH!

majorly precious! ;) the spastic look is epic!

omg all three of them look like they're high.

DAMN FUNNYYYY!

okay he looks totally hot here ;D how can someone look spastic and hot at the same time?! beats me!

another retarded look from Kevin. he looks like he has gained weight. I LIKE IT!

must be marijuana. omg look at ryan higa! LOL he looks like a creature!

another spastic look!

it's official : ryan DOES NOT look good in screenshots.

adorable! ;)

he's munching on sushi or something. i tell you, he has a really bad complexion. i don't know why. usually guys stop having acne at around 18. he's 21 this year and his complexion is BAD. he needs a facial! PRONTO! but nevermind i still love him :)

HAHA spastic look #3.

okay no doubt this is the most EPIC look of them all!!!!!! Kevin looks retarded!!!!!!!!!

ryan's trademark crazy look! :) chester has a really really cute smile :D and kevin just... kevin just looks retarded.

it's so cute that all of them are friends! :D

okay i have to go and do my Chinese homework. i've forgotten alot of the grammar! crapcrapcrap :( ah well.

xoxo,

Vera.

A Hypothetical Situation

2011-01-05T23:03:00.003+08:00

currently listening to : What The Hell by Avril Lavigne

i have to complete my stupid Chinese and Add Math homework before 12am, so this will be a short post.

i fully foresee myself not updating this blog regularly :( BUT. i have something to share. this thing happened to me recently, and i could not resist blogging about it because... well i have my reasons.

okay this is all hypothetical -

imagine that you know this girl. let's name her Amy. you've known Amy for years, albeit not very well. there was a point of time when you and Amy were close because you lent a helping hand to her. but both of you soon drifted apart, but it's alright. 3 years on : Amy is no longer your friend because she chose to believe another person's vitriol about you. you have shown Amy utmost respect, and you still treat her as a friend, but for some reason, Amy just thinks she's too cool for you. Amy bitches about you whenever the opportunity presents itself, but you don't confront her about it. one day, you see Amy in school. being the better person that you are, you give her a huge smile and wave to her. what she does is muster up a weak fake smile to you. but you're alright, it doesn't bother you. you have a weebly account. AND, the funniest thing is - Amy hates you, remember? so WHY does she bother to read your weebly? that's so weird, isn't it? i mean, why bother? WHY does she want to read the words that you type?!

i need answers... because i'm truly boggled myself! :) oh, if you're reading this and you're wondering if this is you, it's probably a YES because you must have treated me in a certain way to actually ask yourself whether this might be you :) it's called reverse psychology, bitch.

if you have something to share or something to add, you can write in my chatbox or email me at veratanxoxo@gmail.com ! :D

okay my Add Math and Chinese homework cannot be ignored any longer! i'm very tired :(

xoxo,

Vera.

My New Email Account, MAIL ME! ;)

2011-01-04T00:18:00.003+08:00

i'm at risk of sounding like a typical teenager, but i don't care.

I HATE SCHOOL.

GAWD I HATE IT SOOOO MUCH!

it's the first day back, and i'm EXHAUSTED, to say the least. it rained bloody heavily today at exactly the time school ended, so you can imagine the congestion! walking out of school under the shade took like half an hour =.=" and then my father came late. AS USUAL.

okay whatever. that's not the point.

so remember me talking about wanting to create a new gmail account so that readers can email me directly if they wanna know more about me or ask me questions?

well i've created a new gmail account, it's

veratanxoxo@gmail.com

so if you guys want to ask me anything, want to get to know me better or whatever, you can email me :) i will respond to you as fast as i can ;) don't hesitate! i'm super nice one, serious :D

i welcome constructive criticism and feedback, but if all you want to do is say i'm ugly or whatever, don't waste your time :D

seriously, i'd really appreciate it if you guys could spend the time to compose an email to me! i'd like to hear what you guys have to say about my blog :) from that tracking thing on my sidebar, i can see that people from like Burbank, California and Maryland read my blog quite regularly (or maybe diff people from that area LOL) but SERIOUSLY i'd really like to hear from you guys!

i know the email is super stupid, but there was nothing else i could take! i tried veratan@gmail.com, and it was already taken. so i just added the xoxo cos it's kind of like my trademark in this blog right? cos it's in my stupid blog URL. Ky says it sounds good, so whatever lah ;D

okay gotta go and sleep, it's past 12am and stupid school starts at 7.20am!

xoxo,

Vera

Tomorrow's the FIRST DAY of my life.

2011-01-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : United State of Pop 2010 (Don't Stop The Pop) DJ Earworm mashup

okay, like yesterday, i'm REALLY TIRED, because erm, i went out to OU (again) with friends. yea i know what you guys are thinking :" don't you ever get sick of the place?!" the answer is yes, but well, it's the closest to home, so yea :( and it IS a world class mall, you know.

anyhoo, i watched The Tourist, and it was better than what i expected it to be. i read LOADS of crap reviews, so i was abit hesitant on watching it. but Ky said it was good, so i decided to, and in a way, i'm glad i watched it :) as you all know (or don't know, whatever), i LOVE Angelina Jolie. like, she's my girl crush. like, i think she's the MOST AWESOME woman in Hollywood. so anyway, she was GORGEOUS in the movie, OMGHHKP! it's so unfair that she's SO GORGEOUS, but ah well. i'm resigned to that fact.

well, i'm not going to write a full review on the movie, because i just don't feel like it. and i'm super tired. so this will be a teeny tiny update on what's going on right now.

school starts tomorrow :'(

ARGH I HATE THIS I TELL YOU!

the school holidays were so short! usually it's a little under 2 months, but in 2010 it was like a little over a month. so unfair, i tell you :'( but nevermind. this is the year for me to be majorly hardworking! be prepared for nerdy Vera :D

oh, another thing -
there're SO MANY movies that i want to watch this year! AND I MUST WATCH THEM I TELL YOU!

- Black Swan (OMG MUST WATCH NOW!)
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (this is given lah c'mon i'm like a HP fanatic)
- The Green Hornet (saw the trailer just now, looks good!)
- Paranormal Activity 2 (our date, Marilyn ;D)
- Morning Glory (i love Rachel McAdams, full stop.)
- The Town
- Burlesque
- Beastly (i love Vanessa Hudgens!)
- Sucker Punch (ditto.)
- Blue Valentine (i don't think it'll be released in M'sia though, bummer)
- I Am Number Four
- 127 Hours

also, i am a loser, and i haven't watched The Social Network. YES I KNOW it's awesome, i just haven't had the time to watch it, and the Malaysian cinemas have stopped screening it. so i'll probably download it illegally HAHA. oh, and for international readers, the reason why i haven't seen Black Swan, PA 2, Morning Glory, Burlesque, 127 Hours and Blue Valentine is because they haven't been released in Malaysia yet. yes we're very behind, it's depressing :( OHYEA, i saw the trailer for this movie just now, and it looks REALLY GOOD. like seriously. watch trailer here. looks so good! that's really something for me because i never watch Chinese/Cantonese movies, seriously.

anyway, i'm going to go and pack my bags now. sigh, life's gonna suck from today onwards :(

i PROMISE i will try and update whenever i can! you all must still read my blog regularly ;) haha i'm so demanding, LOL.

xoxo,

Vera.

New Years' Resolution 2011 ;)

2011-01-01T23:39:00.005+08:00

i'm incredibly tired, because i spent the entire day out. i was at OU shopping with my mum and sister to buy my sister's WORK clothes (she's starting work this week) and don't get me wrong, i LOVE shopping, but seriously. finding work clothes is NO FUN AT ALL.

i've always complained to my guy friends, asking them WHY the only proper shirts they have were striped ones. now i know why.

there's just nothing else available.

i'm serious. as we were shopping for collared long-sleeved shirts and work trousers, i saw all the shirts available for men, and ALL of them were striped.

seriously.

obviously none of my guy friends are as hot as these models (if they were i wouldn't mind striped shirts all the time. maybe less clothing would be better too HAHA) but seriously whenever there's an event, say Christmas or Easter or whatever, ALL my friends would be wearing striped shirts. i think a couple of my friends have a similar shirt to the 2nd picture above!

guys should wear this more often.

OMGWTFBBQ SOOO HOT!!!!!!!

sigh.

oh, i digress. AGAIN.

my point is i'm super tired, but i'm going to blog about my New Years' Resolution for 2011! i want to be able to look back at this post at the end of 2011 to see exactly how much i've accomplished. if i sound slightly off, it must be the fatigue. excuse me.

so, my New Years' Resolution for 2011 :)

- Do well in my 1st and 2nd term examinations.

i've never really bothered about my term examinations, because i'm a lazy ass. but now, in Form5, i must work EXTRA HARD! i cannot just scrape through my Science and Maths subjects, and i must work mega hard (not even super ah, MEGA!) in the subjects that i suck in, and start liking them!

- Do EXCEPTIONALLY well in my SPM trials and actual SPM examination.

i must do SUPER well in both because some of the colleges i'm thinking of applying to have earlier application deadlines, so if my SPM results haven't been released by then and i have crappy trials results, i'm screwed. hence, i have to do SUPER AWESOME in both! by God's Grace, it's possible!

- Do GREAT in my SATs.

i'm aiming for 2200/2400, so i only allow mistakes in the Math section! i must get near perfect scores for my English! it's a MUST! :)

- Create a youtube account.

as i mentioned in my last post, i haven't had the courage to create one yet. so, hopefully, in 2011, i'll start! :) alot of my friends are backing me on this one, so we'll see :D

- Get my ALCM certificate!

i tell you, when i get my ALCM certificate, my mother will JUMP FOR JOY! and i really want my mother to be proud of me, so i'm going to practise hard. i must pass, because the exam fee alone is over RM1000, so yea. if i pass, i'm more than qualified to be a piano teacher, haha. and i might be minoring in Music in college, so yea ;) Vera Tan, ALCM!

- Practise my violin more consistently.

i'm ashamed to say that i rarely practise my violin. like rarely. so i must make it a resolution to start practising it regularly! ah!

- Be more hardworking in general.

everyone who knows me will know that i'm basically the laziest person alive. okay maybe not the LAZIEST, but i'm pretty lazy. i never do my homework (i copy other people's work, cos i'm evil like that!), i rarely practise the piano and violin, and i don't listen in class. SO I MUST CHANGE THAT! i must start being more hardworking and more assertive!

- Be content with what i already have.

i'm pretty sure everyone has had that feeling that everything you have is not good enough. when i see all the things my friends have, i get a pang of jealousy, because i can't afford all those things. when i look at facebook pictures of acquaintances, i feel sad because i'm not as pretty or rich as them. so, in 2011, i must be thankful of what God has already given me. i have a family, i'm healthy, i have all my limbs and i'm not a moron. so i must be more thankful :)

- Change my blog's template.

i fully expect myself to be far too caught up in my work to update as frequently as i've been updating (check my archives, i blogged only a handful of times from February-September 2010) for these past few months. BUT, i must make it a resolution to change my blog's background! not that it's not pretty, it's just that i'm SICK of it. i've had it for YEARS, and i want a new one. maybe one that's more personal. i'm trying to get my friend to do it for me. maybe a baby pink/rose pink background with my header saying "Vera Tan ; indulge." HAHA. no lah just kidding. it sounds ridiculous LOL. but something lah. then it'll have little pictures of Taylor Swift and Kevin Wu and GLEE etc and it'll be super pretty. i want to PERSONALIZE my blog because i've realized that i don't really talk about myself. i always talk about things in GENERAL, but not really what i do from day to day etc. so, if you can tell, i've been trying to change it by posting pictures of myself (i don't think i've done it before) and my family so that my readers can get a feel of what i'm like as a person. but that's not the point! the point is - i want a new blog template.

i think that's about it. when i think of more, i'll update it :D

thank you, for reading my blog loyally :) even though i don't know most of you (my own friends rarely read my blog), i really appreciate all of you. i'm thinking of creating a gmail account just for my blog readers. so if they'd like to, they can email me personally. and i can get to know people from all around the world. what do you think? a bit too ambitious? ah well.

i hope you guys had a great new year ;)

xoxo,

Vera.

goodbye 2010, hello 2011.

2010-12-31T22:56:00.007+08:00

it's here.

in a few minutes' time, 2011 will begin, and we bid adieu to 2010 forever.

so, exactly HOW was my 2010?

i think i've grown more mature this year. alot of disappointments came my way, but through unrelenting perseverance and having elephant hide as skin (haha), i've managed to plough my way through all these tough times, and i emerged unscathed.

this year, i experienced the lowest moment of my life. never had i been so disappointed, so down, so shattered (read here), but as i said, i managed to get over it. memories like these were hard to forget, and the pain took ages to numb, but numb it did. and now, i'm fine. slightly jaded, yes, but fine otherwise.

as per usual, there were problems in the friendship department, but there were also improvements in that same department :) even though we were not in the same class, and she was "poisoned" by people whom i thought were friends, somehow we made it through, and our friendship is as strong as ever. KyLyn's leaving next year, and words cannot express how much i'm going to miss her, but there's always email. i believe that there are bonds that cannot be broken, so hopefully ours is one of them.

"so don't you worry your pretty little mind,
people throw rocks at things that shine
and life makes friendships look hard.
the stakes are high, the water's rough,
but this love is ours :) "

Taylor Swift, Ours :D it's tweaked a little, but i think that the underlying meaning is still there.

another thing that i learned in 2010 is never to search for universal popularity. there will ALWAYS be people who hate your guts, people who hate the way you look, people who hate the fact that you're better than them, and trust me, there's NO POINT in convincing them otherwise. i am someone who gets hurt easily, but i am someone who also gets over things easily. that is the beauty of it all. NEVER bother when you hear that someone doesn't like you or someone doesn't like the things you say. it's your life to live, and if you care too much, the only person losing out will be yourself. trust me, this is the best advice anyone can give you, and take heed :) i've learned all this through painful experiences.

2010 was a great year for my piano because i passed my DipLCM with flying colors! ;) here's to hoping that i do just as well or even better in my ALCM next year! it's going to be alot harder, but with God as my guide, i know that i can do well :D

i also did many things that i otherwise would not have done this year. i participated for the first time in my school's Blue House activities, and i had a blast :) staying overnight in school to build the Blue House camp was an experience that i am unlikely to forget, and i hope to do it again next year! i went inside a CAVE for the first time in my life, and that was an experience as well!

2010 was also the year that my fire for criminal justice was ignited. read here and here for details. back in January, my stuff was stolen, and from thereon in, my indignation in the fact that there were criminals roaming free was born. you should ask my school friends! whenever the topic changes to criminals, a friend of mine will go:" oh no, here she goes." when i ramble on, lol.

my love for nail polish also began this year :) before this year, i had probably varnished my nails like 2 times in my entire life. now, i rarely go without beautifully varnished nails! such a pity school is about to begin (groan), so goodbye beautiful nails, hello bare nails :( but no matter, the weekends and holidays will be the time for me to varnish my nails, haha :D

OPI Do You Lilac It?

OPI Show It and Glow It!

sorry for the super blurry pictures, i did not know that you had to change to Macro settings on your camera when you want to take a picture at a close range =.=" i just found out today, so check out what i have on my nails right now -

OPI Simmer and Shimmer

super pretty right! :) will start photographing my nails, haha.

okay moving on...

in 2010, my mom finally decided that it would be better for me to study in the US, so my American dream that i had previously given up was reborn. obviously, there will be alot of tough times ahead, and a long hard slog awaits me, but i hope i'll make it, and when i reach the US, i'll definitely blog about it, haha. so stay loyal, and you all will be on that journey with me :D

i volunteered for VBS this year, and granted, it wasn't as fun as last year, but i still had a good time nevertheless. i met lots of cute kids! check it out for yourself -

so cute right :)

my favourite kid, Anna-Mae

Charlotte on the left and another girl i can't remember, haha.

Jessie! she's SO PRETTY right!

cuteeeeee ;)

Iain! isn't he handsome?

Ethan. cute right!

Esther :D

James, he looks like young old man, haha.

naughty Matthew, wouldn't even stand still.

Natania.

yes i know what you're thinking. i look like a kid too =.=" WHATEVER. i look young! :) haha. if you click on the pictures, you can see my Barbie Pink nails! OPI I Think In Pink ;)

i started following many TV shows this year, namely Covert Affairs, Pretty Little Liars, Nikita and Hellcats! :) i swear, EVERYONE must watch Covert Affairs! it's awesome awesome awesome, so is PLL and Nikita! my love for Taylor Swift never waned, as proven here. in 2009, i blogged alot about Taylor Swift, as seen here, and i'm so happy that my adoration never wavered, haha!

furthermore, i fell in love with KevJumba in 2010. as you can read here, i'm clearly obsessed. it's an unhealthy obsession. i THINK that it has died down a little since i found out that he hooks up with random girls, but well... you never know. i might marry him one day if he's a Christian. we'll see about that :D i started you-tubing a whole lot more this year too! with kevjumba, nigahiga, michellephan, juicystar07 etc, how could i not watch videos?! LOVE THEM OMG.

in 2010, i took part in a singing competition in my school and i got 2nd place for both categories i joined. okay i know 2nd place isn't very good, but no worries i'll be joining again next year and i hope to win 1st place! :) the most precious thing about joining this competition was all the time i spend practising with my friend, Briana. we joined the group category together. i was overbearing (because i suck like that) and i lost my patience with her but in the end we still made up. so sorry for all the hard times Bri! love you! :D

Briana, Marilyn and me.

i love Marilyn in a non-lesbian way.

Bri and I :)

the sign KyLyn made me ;D

another great thing about 2010 was the fact that i spent alot of time with the people i love.

mummy and i :) her birthday.

my beloved family. mummy, my sister and i ;)

this was my 16th birthday. i look hideous i know. me (L) and sister.

my sister and i during my mum's MBA graduation ;D

so after reminiscing about 2010, what are my hopes

for 2011?

as i'll be taking my ALCM next year, i really hope that i do well and make my mom proud. also after AL, i can truly say goodbye to my piano teacher after 6 years of scoldings, haha. well she's actually not that bad, but it's time to say goodbye. moreover, i hope that i'll start taking my violin seriously, and take my first violin exam. i need a GRADE, at least!

SPM, as everyone likes to remind me, is next year, and i'm aiming for -

Bahasa Melayu - B- and above

Chinese - C+ and above

English - A+ obviously.

Modern Math - A+

Additional Math - A/A-

Chemistry - A-/B+ (my Chem is HORRENDOUS)

Physics - A-/A

Biology - A/A+

Moral - A+

Sejarah - A+

English Literature - A-/A

so hopefully 9As and above! :) by God's Grace, anything is possible, so fingers crossed!

more importantly, my SATs. i'm having a trial run in January, and i don't have high hopes for that because i haven't finished the Math syllabus (they have alot of Form 5 stuff), so i'm aiming for something like 1500 and above. i'll be taking a proper one at around mid-year or nearing SPM trials, so there'll be alot of pressure. i must do well in my SATs, so i'll have to work extra hard in Math! god i hate math.

WAIT. another thing is i must try and *gulp* LIKE math! all my friends, who incidentally love math, tell me that the first step to excelling in Math is to like the subject. okay i admit, i HATE math, and i have hated it since the dawn of time. i'll try to LIKE math, because i really want to improve. and in a way i guess they're right. i LOVE English, and i'm always looking for new books to read and stuff, so i guess that's why my English is good. SO. i will start to LIKE Math! :D

hmmm... what else... OH YES. in 2011, i must pluck up the courage to start a youtube account. yes i know i've been talking about it for the past month or so, but i haven't really had the courage to do it because *okay quite ashamed to say this, but whatever* i'm afraid of the criticism i'm going to get. note that i said "GOING TO", because i know for a fact that there will always be people who think that you're not good. like my mom. she thinks that i'm a bad singer and she asks me to shut up whenever i sing. but my friends and everyone else say that i'm good. so yea :( anyway, back to the topic. i know people are going to criticize the way i look because i'm not very pretty, and i'm Asian. but well... here's to hoping 2011 will give me the courage! oh, and i want to start a youtube account because i want to know whether i'm good or just run-of-the-mill. it's kind of like a test for me. we have exams and stuff to assess our level and see how good we are compared to other people. so creating a youtube account is kind of the same for me. i want to see whether i'm good. not just to me or people around me, but strangers all over the world. so yeaaaaaa...

as i'm ending this post, i feel a pang of sadness. what for? i guess when a year ends, memories of what has happened in this year flash before your eyes. as for me, i feel old. i can't believe that i'll be turning 17 next year. everything has happened so fast. it seems like yesterday when i started high school. it seems like yesterday that i got my PMR results. and now... wow time really does fly, doesn't it?

even though i'm not relishing the thought of growing older, i am relishing the experiences that await me. i'm bubbling with excitement at the thought of the people i'm going to meet, places i'm going to see, person i'm going to fall in love with. i have my whole life ahead of me.

so i guess this is it. it's the very last time that i can say the year is 2010.

au revoir 2010, it was nice knowing you.

bonjour 2011, i hope that you have great things in store for me.

it's never any good to live in the past, so i guess that it's time to let go of 2010, and welcome 2011 with open arms. lastly, i wish all of you a very happy new year ;)

xoxo,

Vera.

p/s: how come there are people from like Texas, Florida, Maryland and Canada etc who read my blog? as my new years present, can you PLEASE tell me how you were directed to my blog and give feedback? and please tell me if you're a repeat reader? PLEASEEEEEEEE?! kthxbai.

A Revelation.

2010-12-30T23:38:00.002+08:00

i wanted to blog about this before New Years' Eve, because i'll be writing a commemoration of 2010 post on NYE :) so i'll try and squeeze everything i want to say in this 40 minutes (it's 11.15pm already)!

so yesterday i wrote a post on me finding out that KevJumba had a one-night-stand in Australia, right?

it actually bothered me more than i let on! :(

after finding out about it, i went to sleep thinking about it, and most of you might (will) think that i'm completely out of my mind, but i was strangely disturbed. most of, well actually ALL of my friends think that i'm jesting when i talk about marrying Kevin, but i can tell you once and for all, i'm serious about it.

well, i WAS serious about it.

i now realize that what i was interested in wasn't him, but the IDEA of him. everyone thinks that they know those youtubers like Kevin and Nigahiga, but honestly, DO WE?

what they show us in their videos is WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO SHOW US. they edit out the parts that may portray them in a not-so-good light. i'm not saying that i'm completely over Kevin, it's true, i enjoy his videos and i think that they are a good way to pass the time, but he might not be the funny and kind person that we all think he is!

okay now i'm just being cynical, but hmmm... being "all over" some random girl, does it show that this is a good person?! i guess i'm just disappointed that he's not the person his videos portrayed him to be. and i don't approve of one-night-stands because i'm a prude, haha.

yes i know i know i sound ridiculous. i don't think i'm making any sense.

whatever, i guess. i'll still blog about him and stuff, but maybe not as ardently as before... i don't know.

***

i think everyone knows that i'm a Christian, but i'm not exactly a super preachy person. by preachy, i mean that i don't talk about the Bible all the time, and try to convert all of my friends to be Christians.

however, there's this song that i heard in my recent YF camp, and i just had to share it with everyone. it's AWESOME! it's sounds really good, and the lyrics are awesome. like beyond awesome.

in most Praise and Worship songs we hear during service or in contemporary Christian songs, the songs are usually about praising God, but this song is slightly different. in this song, the lyrics are written in a way that God is the first person. so it's like the writer is God and God is singing this to us. you geddit? okay probably not, so watch this video.

this is a seriously beautiful song! it just shows that God loves us no matter what, and He loves us no matter how insignificant we are. even if we make terrible mistakes and choose a path that leads us away from God, when we find our way back to Him, He will take us back with open arms. He follows us wherever we go, and He will never forsake us. and He loves us more than we can imagine or understand. isn't that beautiful?

have you ever seen The Passion of Christ?

that is undoubtedly the most heart-wrenching movie i have ever seen, and whenever i watch it, i cry. my classmates will know this. isn't it unfair that God had to endure all of THAT because of OUR sins? would you have done it? and yet, people nowadays forsake Him. most of my school friends aren't Christians, and whenever we bring up the topic of religion, they wave me aside. i have friends who claim that they are Christians/Catholics but they only go to church once a year. or even some that go to church, but they act ungodly. this is why i'm a prude. this is why i frown upon one-night-stands even though they are the norm.

it's so comforting to know that whenever i'm down in the dumps, God still loves me. and He will love me no matter what. i hope that i will never be led astray from God, because of His unwavering love for me. His love gives me fortitude, and that, i can truly say, is the best gift that anyone can give you.

xoxo,

Vera.

short.

2010-12-30T02:26:00.000+08:00

okay i just realized something -

whenever you PLAN on doing something, it usually doesn't come to fruition.

i mean seriously. i had actually planned on typing this really really really REALLY long blog post about this really interesting epiphany that i had, but now... maybe it's cos i'm currently re-touching my nails and they're wet now, but i don't feel like blogging about that anymore.

maybe tomorrow? :)

okay very annoyed now, messed up my left hand index finger for the 3rd time! UGH!

xoxo,

Vera.

very very angry.

2010-12-29T01:51:00.004+08:00

OMG IT'S 1.30AM, BUT I FEEL

LIKE EFFING SCREAMING

WHAT THE F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay so by reading my posts in general, i do not swear. seriously. rarely do i swear (shit, ass or damn doesn't count) and i haven't said the F word in like. i can't even remember when.

but i think that i am JUSTIFIED when i swear now.

AND BOY AM I

SWEARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$(*$!@%^%@@*^$%$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i stumbled upon this (yes i read kevjumba forums) and i am FURIOUS.

F***K THE WORLD I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kevin was all over a local girl in Australia???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i knew about the previous girlfriend, Madison, and i think that what he said about her seems fishy... "i regret it because she was horny as hell"??!!!! please. find me ONE guy that doesn't like horny!!!! guys LOVE girls who go all out okay please. so yea that seems a bit fishy. besides, that happened like nearly 2 years ago, so i'm not bothered.

BUT.

OHEMGEEDOUBLEHKAYPEE

HOW CAN HE BE ALL OVER A

LOCAL GIRL????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

he's supposed to be holding out for me okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg i just had a thought. is Kevin a virgin? i hope so, lol :) i hope he's a Christian too :) anyways look at this - ONE DAY IT WILL ALL BE MINE.

sexy :)

okay lah his body is actually not nice at all but I DON'T CARE.

anyway back to the "local girl" thing. omg i am so upset. when i first read it, i seriously hyperventilated and started fanning myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really hope it's just a fling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he cannot start dating until i reach the US. by that time, the person that he dates will be me :D

okay i am losing my mind.

xoxo,

Vera.

totally random.

2010-12-29T01:13:00.002+08:00

this is super funny! couldn't resist doing a screenshot!

NOTE THE WEB ADDRESS.

looks like i'll never be able to have a veratan.com!

you know, i seem to have this GIFT of choosing extremely STUPID usernames and blog URLs! it's like, my email address (NOT GOING TO TELL YOU) is the lamest shit ever, and i have NO IDEA how i even thought of it okay! it's so embarrassing, i'm planning on creating another gmail account so that i can use the new account to email my prospective unis! omg it's that embarrassing!

and then this blog address.

I HATE IT okay. i want to change it SOOOOO bad!!!!! you see, i thought of it way back when i was a wee chit of 13 and i was obsessed with gossipgirl then. i still like gossipgirl now, at 16, but i've matured ALOT more (i hope!) and i feel like this URL sucks balls.

i mean seriously.

because i'm worth it, xoxo???

SERIOUSLY?????!!!!!!

gawd i was a lame child.

anyways, i really want to change the URL, but i'm very sure that alot of people will stop reading my blog if i do so because and i'm linked at all my friends' profiles as this URL. urgh. hate it!!!!!!!!! i want to change my URL to something cool. like : veratan.blogspot.com so it's like you're typing my name, y'all! okay i'm still lame, evidently. maybe veraphyng.blogspot.com, so it's cooler. phyng is part of my name, if you're wondering.

also, my twitter username!!!!! ARGH SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whyyyyyyyyyyyy did i name my twitter Vera_Seriously ???!!!!!!!! gah i am an idiot.

anyway, i want to change my URL.

and i WILL NOT (major determination) make the same mistake of having a stupid screen name for my youtube!!!! NO SIR!!!!!!! my youtube account will be veraphyng. so yea. when i've created it, all my readers must go and comment on favourite the videos! and subscribe!

okay lah i'm very demanding.

xoxo,

Vera.

teeny update!

2010-12-28T23:58:00.007+08:00

OKAY!

everyone will probably hate me for this, BUT I DON'T CARE.

so i just learned how to do a screenshot, after YEARS of wanting to do it, and MUAHAHAHAH i've learnt how to do it! :)

OMGGGG

SO CUTEEEEE! ;D

kill me now.

this is my desktop.

my gorgeous pink and my gorgeous Kevin.

omg he's so handsome, why why WHY is he so handsome???!!!!!

xoxo,

Vera

p/s: i have a sneaky feeling that i'll be doing ALOT of screenshots for this blog from now onwards. yay more pictures! :)

YF Camp Update :D

2010-12-27T16:55:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : More by Matthew West

so i originally wanted to blog about disappointment right?

i've decided not to, out of respect for the particular person who irked me previously. since it's the Christmas season, we should forgive and forget, and that's what i plan to do :)

anyway!

i haven't blogged about anything since coming back from YF camp, because i was sick, but since i am well, i'll tell you guys more about YF camp :D

2010's Theme : iLove, and i did learn more about loving myself, people around me, and most importantly, GOD ;)

Location : Harvest Haven, Perak.

first off, i have to start with extolling the virtues of the location! seriously, this is an awesome campsite! there was a SWIMMING POOL, and everyone knows how much i love swimming! :) the house was beautiful, the rooms were great, and there was a nice big area for us to play games! :D

so.

we were told to arrive in church by 6.30am because we would be leaving to go to Gua Tempurung. c'mon, this is Malaysia, and we Life Chapel-ians are FAMOUS for being late (i mean seriously there was this year where they told us to come by 9am and we were to leave church by 9.30am. we left at 10.30am, HAHA). apart from a few latecomers, the lot of us were surprisingly early.

i arrived in church, breathless with excitement because i knew i was going to see Samuel, my friend who migrated to Australia last January, again after such a long time. so when i saw him, i was soooo happy! :D as every church friend of mine would know, my "buddy" in church is Tim, and i was also waiting for him (cos he's late for everything) until another friend of mine told me that he wasn't coming. needless to say, i was furious, because he had told me previously that he was coming. but whatever, i got over it :)

so the journey on the bus was pretty uneventful... i spent the whole time catching up with Sam, so yea. when we arrived at Gua Tempurung, i was pretty excited because we had been told to bring a change of clothes as we would be drenched from head to toe! to my dismay, for the first hour of the trip, all we did was climb stairs. well we were in a cave, but all we did was walk and walk and walk. the cave was creep-tastic, though. i felt as if i was those prehistoric people from the Paleolitic times! ahaha ;)

we had to slide down this steep surface, and that was FUN! then we had to climb down a hole, which was not so fun. props to the guys who had to break the fall of all the people! after all that, came water.

lots and LOTS of water.

there was a stream and we all had to crawl our way through (mind you, we're in a cave) and it was bloody dark. my knees were killing me and i was so afraid that i would chip my manicure! YES I AM VERY BIMBOTIC, YOU SHUT YOUR FACE. so we crawled and crawled for what seemed like hours! but it was super fun! :D even though i kept saying that i would never come back again, i think i wouldn't mind coming again! :) i'm not a particularly adventurous person, so this was a good experience for me! i wouldn't mind doing it again, and i did learn something from this first expedition - NEVER EVER HAVE LACQUERED NAILS IN A CAVE! on a side note, my manicure lasted! NOT ONE CHIP! i tell you my top coat is awesome :D either that or China Glaze is awesome, haha ;)

after the trip in the cave, we changed in this BLOODY SMELLY toilet that we all had to pay RM1 to get in (seriously!), and we were on our way to Harvest Haven!

okay i just realized that if i continue writing this in a narrative form, i'd be typing until tomorrow. so i shall truncate it.

i was assigned to be in the same dorm as Emily and two other girls, with me as the dorm leader =.=" then we had ice-breakers. Matthew was the games-master for this year, and i was actually pretty apprehensive as to how fun it would be. he didn't really let me down though (don't tell him that), because the games were pretty fun! :D

there was this new guy at camp, and OHEMGEE everyone kept teasing me about him because i like his body. okay lah i'm super perverted so the first thing i noticed about him were his huge arms :D WHAT LAH CANNOT MEH. long story short, on the trip home (we had become friends by then haha i'm very friendly), he was sitting behind me, and our friend asked him to flex.

because he knew that i was, erm, fascinated by his body, he asked me to look away (i was so surprised because this is the first time i've met a guy who DID NOT like to flaunt their muscles!) but obviously i have super awesome peripheral vision, and i still saw him flex. LET ME TELL YOU that his body is awesome. like seriously awesome. i have yet to meet a guy in Malaysia with a body as nice as his.

EH TLC-IANS IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU BETTER NOT TELL HIM OKAY. AND DO NOT ADVERTISE THIS POST.

okay i continue! i was mightily impressed by his biceps! too bad when we were swimming, he refused to join us. or not i would've seen his abs. mmmmmm. okay i shall stop now.

all in all, camp was fun. Gila Night was erm, not so gila though. to be perfectly honest, i was very disappointed, but well, you can't have it all, can you?

I LOVED CAMP, and more people should join our camp next year! ;D

***
unfortunately for my readers, i HAVE NOT gotten over KevJumba. actually i'm more obsessed than ever! i'm sooooooo happy that he'll be opening a KevJumba store soon! :)

i don't care i'm going to advertise this to everyone i know! :)

i think he'll be selling shirts and stuff, just like WongFu's Are You A Nice Guy store, so i can't wait! even though i love WongFu, i don't think i'll be shelling out more than RM100 for a shirt! actually i'd like to, but it's seriously way too expensive. plus shipping it'll probably be RM200, and i'm not that rich!

BUT FOR KEVIN WU,

I'D DO ANYTHING!

i'm going to start saving my money so i'll be able to buy the shirts! because Kevin has awesome taste, the shirts will probably be awesome, so yea! like that shirt above, it's nice! i would buy it!

then again, i'd buy anything made by him.

aihhhhhhhhhh, love him so much :)

omg he's so handsome :D

xoxo,

Vera.

PEOPLE!

2010-12-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

I AM WELL!

I HAVE RECOVERED!

so i will blog again, tomorrow. technically later, cos it's already 12.30am, but anyways, when i get home from church. i will blog about disappointment :)

it's a friend thing, and my friends would know all about it, haha. not your usual bitchy drama, just plain and simple disappointment and how it feels like to be let down repeatedly.

stay tuned ;)

i'm dreadfully ill.

2010-12-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

hey guys, sorry for the lack of updates.

truth is, i'm dreadfully ill. ever since i got back from camp, i have been having a HORRIBLE cough, runny nose and sore throat!!!!!!!!!!!

as all of you know, it's really hard to stay coherent when you're sick, so i find that there's no point in blogging. will try and update when i can.

thing is, i hardly ever get sick. i'm not a sickly person, so in this year, i've probably gotten sick like 2 or 3 times. that's why i HATE it when my immune system breaks down!!!! urgh!!!!

oh, and if i do get even sicker, here's an early -

MERRY CHRISTMAS &

A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

xoxo,

Vera.

away until 20th :)

2010-12-17T00:55:00.000+08:00

hey people! :)

so i will be away from today (17th) to the 20th of December, try not to miss me too much ;) KIDDING LAH. i'm going for camp and i will be back before you know it!

Christmas is around the corner! :D

xoxo
Vera

Kevin Wu is having my babies.

2010-12-14T02:19:00.001+08:00

currently listening to : King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

i just discovered these videos (because i am a stalker) and i am hyperventilating nowwwww :)

muscle tee FTW! :D *faints* gawd i hate those blond bitches!

Kevin is BEYOND adorable! :)

i LOVE these videos. it seriously gives an inside look of how Kevin is REALLY like. and he's adorable! i'm really impatient too and i do that ALL the time, haha :D

OMG Kevin looks so cute ;) and i'm loving PapaJumba more and more cos he's soooo wise :D and it's nice to see PapaJumba talking more than Kevin because in KevJumba videos Kev talks most of the time! LOVE Phil too! it's sooo obvious that he loves Team Jumba!

it's so obvious how much Kevin loves his dad in the way he looks at him! :) sweet :D

their last leg :(

GAWD you have to admit, Kevin looks SUPER HOT in the driver's seat! smokin'!!!!!!

nice! :) i like Gary and Mallory too :D

i feel soooooo bad for Kevin! :( it's obvious he's like super upset, but his dad is as cheery as ever! awwwww, elt sooo bad for him, it's quite plain that he's a very competitive person. LOVE THEM! ;D dynamic duo!

it was from this video that i slowly gathered proof of Kevin's sister, Kelly's existence :D

as seen on TV, but for you LOSERS who don't follow TARA, here you go :) LOVE those huge-ass nerdy glasses :D adorbssss!

FAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG loveeeeeee Kevin's expression when his dad talks about him dressing up as a girl!!!!!!! ;) lovelovelovelovelovelove Kevin and PapaJumba!!!!

OMG THIS IS BEYOND ADORABLEEE ;D

Michael and Kevin :D 'nuff said.

haha, all i can say is Kevin is definitely having my babies :)

so there you have it :D yes i am obsessed. you shaddup.

xoxo,

Vera.

stupid stupid STUPID.

2010-12-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

NEWSFLASH

I AM AN IDIOT.

look on the right >>>>>>>>

at the Read section, there was actually a picture of Meredith and Derek kissing (so sweet!) BUT, being the idiot that i am, i accidentally edited my template, and now i have no idea how to put up the picture. i hate myself.

i hate being computer illiterate! friends of mine can effing MAKE THEIR OWN BLOGSKINS! i can't do that, obviously. the only thing i know how to do is blog.

don't you think my template is getting old? i've had this template since like... early 2009 i think. i know for a fact it's more than a year old. i'm totally lazy to change it because #1, i haven't seen any nice templates, and #2, i've forgotten how to change it. OH GOD I HATE THIS.

SOMEONE HELP ME!

rant.

2010-12-10T22:02:00.001+08:00

i truly dislike extremely judgmental people. like seriously. i DESPISE AND LOATHE extremely judgmental people.

i'm sure each and every one of you will know someone who likes to judge people, say when you're in a mall, and an obese couple walks past you, this person will open their mouth and say things like : 'OMG i wonder how they like make out and stuff because of all their fats', etc.

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm not judgmental, because let's face the fact - everyone is.

BUT.

for someone to judge another without any prior evidence, that's just plain mean.

there was this person who used to be a good friend of mine. let's name this person Zulu. we weren't particularly close, but there was a period of time when Zulu was in a rough patch, and Zulu had no one to turn to. so Zulu turned to me, as i was an old acquaintance. we got along pretty well, to say the least. but, after a while, Zulu found another group of friends to hang out with, and ditched me like yesterday's newspaper. i wasn't really bothered by that because i had my own group of friends, so i wished Zulu all the best and we parted our ways amicably.

NOW.

Zulu talks nicely to my face, but behind my back, Zulu gossips and bitches about me like nobody's business. when i found out that this was happening, i was astounded. i mean, i've never been anything BUT nice to you, and i find out this is what you've been saying about me behind my back? isn't that underhanded?! i was truly flabbergasted, hence i started asking around, and i found out that Zulu had been backstabbing me all this while because of ANOTHER PERSON'S influence. let's call this other person Flamingo, shall we? (i don't know why i wanted this name, it just sounded apt, haha)

apparently, Flamingo had been spreading rumors about me that were untrue, and being the extremely loyal (full on sarcasm) friend Zulu was, Zulu believed every single word. Zulu and I don't speak much anymore. although we haven't really addressed the issue in person, there's an undercurrent whenever we're face-to-face, so i try to avoid Zulu.

do you get the point of my little tale?

without any evidence, a friend would actually believe someone else's LIES and turn their back on you! isn't that horrible? isn't that disappointing?!

these are the kind of people that i despise. someone who would not even give the benefit of the doubt before pointing fingers. you always hear rumors about people. ' OMG that girl is like super bitchy, so don't bother talking to her.' ' that boy will date anything that moves!' 'that girl is mean, no one likes her'.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMEONE, DON'T JUDGE.

how would you feel if the situation were reversed? if you were the topic of discussion?! would you like it if people judged you?!

so, boys and girls.

let's not judge others, okay?

***

i officially hate the writers of Nikita. like seriously, i hate them.

anyone who watches Nikita will know about Thom and Alex. and their chemistry together. and their awesomeness. SO. in the latest episode, which incidentally is the mid-season finale, meaning no more Nikita till February or March, they decide to *SPOILER ALERT!* KILL THOM OFF.

i sobbed incessantly and tears were rolling down my cheeks! that was how upset i was! okay technically i was really upset because they actually KILLED him off. good grief. why couldn't they have paralyzed him or something?! now there will be no more Thom. no more Thom and Alex.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikita and Michael are also not having any progress, quite the contrary actually, Michael hates Nikita more than ever. i am SO ANGRY. damn them! damn them!

moreover, the writers at GLEE are also denying me my Finnchel fill! Finn and Rachel belong togetherrrr! :) i love them so much!!!!! bring them back, pleaseeeeee!! Hellcats as well!!!!!! Dan and Marti FTW okayy! Savannah should just like date Lewis or something!!!! same thing goes for Vampire Diaries where the stupid writers just will not allow Damon and Elena to happen! move over, Stefan, Stelena is getting boring! TVD needs some spice, and that comes in the form of Delena goodness! Jeremy and Bonnie too!!!! Caroline and Tyler as well!!!!!!

okay i'm slowly losing my mind.

off to watch Chuck. be good, people ;)

xoxo

Vera

my life is in shards.

2010-12-10T12:30:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : Winter Song by Sara Bareilles

it sucks to not be able to afford something. and this is not just anything, this is my education, my future.

everyone knows that i want to go to the US, but my parents just cannot afford it. even though the college i want to go to is a public college and it has one of the cheapest fees in the US, my parents cannot afford it.

and slowly, but surely, my dream of living in the US is fading away.

after being cognizant of the dilemmas that await me, i ask myself : why should i bother? why should i bother to go to the US? my parents cannot afford the fees, a scholarship or grant for an international student is practically non-existent. i'm Chinese, no way is the Malaysian government going to award me a scholarship. even then, there might a bond and i will have to come back to Malaysia.

i don't want to come back. i just... i don't want to.

after all these setbacks (i haven't even applied yet!), i have become so disheartened. a part of me says : why don't you just go for some journalism course in some college and get some job in like The Star or something. then you'll have a comfortable life, you'll marry some guy, have a family and then die. comfortable.

even thinking about this, i'm tearing up. i don't want an ORDINARY life. i want a life that's extraordinary. a life that i can be proud of, and i can say :' i have achieved something'. not something comfortable. but with all these troubles, how do i go on? how do i move forward? the problem, as always, is money. the lack of money.

all my friends who want to study overseas only have to worry about their grades. i have to worry about the money. it's so discouraging and i'm on the brink of giving up.

whenever my friends had nicer things than me, i consoled myself in thinking : don't worry, when i grow up, and when i earn my own money, i'll be able to afford all these things. i'll be able to buy all these things for my children, so they will not feel inferior in any way. yes i'm a very materialistic person, but that's not the point.

without a good education (the journalism schools here are subpar), how do i go forth?! how do i get a well-paying job??!!! how do i improve our society??????!!!!!!!!!

my dream. all my life, i had a dream. my dream was to get out of this country. the United States of America. my dream was The American Dream.

now i'm so close.......

but still so far away.